Yoongi
【Room】
I’m in my room, my four-year-old sister crying as our parents continue to fight. They keep yelling into each other’s faces, their screams reaching our room. I hear something crashing against the wall followed by more yelling.
I look at Yeon-joo who covers her ears and cries more. She is literally sobbing and I feel my heart breaking for her. I crawl on my knees towards her as I pull her in my arms.
Yeon-joo‘Op-Oppa I’m… I’m scared.’
She stutters as I rub her back up and down. I feel her tears wet my T-shirt but I let her. I can’t help but feel sad seeing her like this but also angry at our parents. My sister shouldn’t be so scared because they can’t figure out their problems.
Yoongi‘Shh it’s okay Joo-Joo. Oppa is here and he won’t let anything happen to you.’
I say, trying to calm her down. It seems to work a bit. I feel her sobs subsiding as she suddenly falls asleep, exhausted from all her sobbing.
I manage to stand up and pick her up. Her small arms wrap around my neck subconsciously as I take her to her bed. I lay her down on the bed and pull up the sheet to cover her. She makes herself smaller, almost going into fetal position – her back curved, her head bowed and her knees and legs drawn up to her chest. I sigh as I kiss her forehead.
Yoongi‘Don’t worry Joo-Joo, I’ll always protect you.’
I tell her before I leave the room. I go to switch off the lights but decide to leave one on just in case she wakes up. Yeon-joo is still scared of the dark anyways.
I close the door, leaving it slightly ajar as I go to the top of the stairs. From up here, I can hear Eomma and Appa’s argument clearer than ever. ‘You’re unbelievable! You’re really going to leave?’ Eomma screams. I can hear the heartbreak in her voice.
‘I don’t love you anymore. I love someone else. I can’t stay in this marriage. It’s nothing but an illusion and we both know it. It won't do either of us any good if I stay.’ Appa screams back.
‘What about Yoongi and Yeon-joo? They need you. They need their father.’ Eomma cries out. I see Appa at the bottom of the stairs, a suitcase at the ready. I see him run his hand through his hair as he frowns. ‘Please, stay, if not for me, for them.’ She says. By now I hear the tremor in her voice which is threatening to crack any moment.
‘ I can’t.’ He replies. ‘Yeon-joo has you and her brother. She doesn’t need me in her life and Yoongi is old enough to take care of himself.’ Appa replies.
‘He’s fourteen years old. He’s a teenager who needs a father to look up to. Instead, you’re having an affair and abandoning your family.’ Eomma says. Appa frowns, louder this time as he turns around. ‘Please, please stay.’ She begs. I hate hearing Eomma beg like that.
‘I’m sorry. I can’t.’ Appa says as he grabs his suit case. Eomma goes to reach for his arm but he pushes her away, sending her tumbling on the floor. I stand up just as I see him pause for a moment. He sighs and then continues to walk away. I frown as I hurry towards Eomma.
I hear the door closing just as Eomma breaks into tears and sobs loudly. ‘Eomma.’ I call out. Her head snaps into my direction.
‘Yoongi-ah.’ She chokes out, her voice coming out as cracked and strangled at the same time. I rush to her side and hug her.
Yoongi‘He left, didn’t he?’
I ask and she nods. ‘He’s never coming back, is he?’ I ask her and she shakes her head once more, unable to formulate words. ‘I hate him.’ I murmur but Eomma looks at me and shakes her head.
Eomma‘No Yoongi, don’t talk like that. He’s still your father.’
She says, tears still staining her beautiful face.
Yoongi‘No Eomma. He abandoned us – you, me and Joo-Joo. He went to another woman and forgot about us but it’s okay Eomma. We don’t need him – I’ll take care of us.’
Eomma‘Oh Yoongi-ah, I’m so sorry.’
I wake up, an uncomfortable feeling in my stomach. I can’t help but feel upset and nervous, anxiety creeping in again. I get out of bed, my feet hitting the cold floor as I groan to myself. I go to the bathroom, open up the tap and wash my face with cold water, trying to get back into focus and shake off the heavy feeling of sleep.
I splash the water on my face several times before I close it off as I rest my hands against the sink while I look in the mirror. My grip against the sink grows tight, turning my knuckles white. Lately, I can’t help but recall that night, twelve years ago, when my father left.
I let out a bitter chuckle as I realize that two people who I thought were important for me walked out of my life just like that. They didn’t hesitate to just pack their bags and leave. I don’t know which one is worse – our father who couldn’t care less about me and my sister and leaving us for another woman or my former girlfriend leaving after using me for money?
Yoongi‘Aish just stop thinking about them.’
I yell at myself… but I know I can’t. I can’t shake off the feeling of being used and betrayed. I loved Ji-su and she threw me away as if I was nothing more than trash.
I keep thinking of Appa because I am scared. The moment Ji-su told me she was pregnant, all sorts of thoughts ran through my mind – excitement and happiness but also fear.
I walk towards the shower as I open the tap. I take off my clothes and step into the hot water. I let the steam fill the room, making the tiles glossy and the glass foggy. I let my body soak into it, hoping the hot water will release me from my tension. I place my hand against the shower wall, my head low as water drenches me. My thoughts start to multiply in my head.
What if I am a horrible father like my own father? What if I won’t be able to raise my son properly? What if I fail him? What if being on my own won’t be enough for him? What if he will want his mother instead? What if I can’t provide for him? What if he grows up to hate me?
I groan as I close off the tap. I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my lower body. I look in front of the mirror once more and sigh.
Yoongi‘When did you turn so damned pathetic?’
I ask myself but of course there is no reply. There is only silence.
I’m in my office at the company when Jimin walks in smiling. He settles down on the chair in front of me as he puts one foot over the other. I look at him, one eyebrow raised.
Jimin‘Nothing. I just wanted to see how my hyung is doing.’
JiminAnd to give you this. This is the monthly report for the security detail.’
Jimin‘We didn’t have any problems this month, except for when Mark came and caused a scene last week.’
He says, shifting position. Jimin is the head of security within the company so he overlooks such things.
Yoongi‘Mark is the one I fired right?’
Yoongi‘He needs to learn his lesson. He was leaking information a rival company. He’s lucky I didn’t sue his ass or file for criminal charges.
Jimin‘I know hyung. You were pretty lenient with him. Last I heard, his wife was leaving him because of his gambling and drinking habits.’
Jimin‘Hyung… what about you? Are you okay?’
Yoongi‘Of course. Why do you ask?’
I question, raising my head to look at him. He looks back at me, not looking quite convinced.
He comments, not bothering to hide his concerns.
Jimin‘Are you not sleeping enough?
Yoongi‘I am. Stop worrying about me Jimin. You have your own stuff to worry about.’
YoongiI say just as I hear a knock on the door. ‘Come in.’ I yell
The door opens and Jin walks in.
‘Oh hey hyung.’
Jin‘God you look horrible. Didn’t you sleep?’
He asks and I frown as I roll my eyes at him. I see Jimin lean back and smirk.
‘That’s what I told him but practically told me to shove my worry up my own ass.’ Jimin says, earning a disapproving look from Jin. Jimin clears his throat and sits properly.
‘I am okay. Really, stop worrying about me. Jin-hyung, what brings you to my office?’ I ask. Jin sighs as he sits down. He looks at me for a few seconds before he decides to speak up.
‘I came to remind you that the interviews for the nanny are starting in an hour. Uncle and I will be carrying them out but I thought maybe you’d want to come and see for yourself.’ Jin says.
‘Ah yes. I forgot about that. Yes, I’d love to come.’ I reply and I see Jin smiling. I save the document I was working on and log off while Jimin stands up.
‘I’ll go get the car ready hyung.’ Jimin offers. Since he takes care of security for the company, he made it his personal mission to act like a bodyguard around me. I chuckle at his excitement as he leaves the room while I turn back to Jin.
‘Thank you for doing this hyung.’ I say and Jin nods but doesn’t say anything. We start walking together as employees give small bows to me. I see one of the younger employees blush but I ignore her.
‘Hey Yoongi…’ Jin begins and I look at him. ‘I know you’re scared and that’s okay. It’s normal but you’re not alone and you’re going to be okay. I promise.’ Jin says but before I can say anything he walks on, leaving me staring behind.
Jimin and I are ‘behind the scenes’ while we watch as Bang and Jin carry out the interviews. They’ve interviewed over thirty potential ones but none of them have created an impression on me.
‘Hyung this one looks good. She has a number of qualification and has worked as a baby sitter before as well.’ Jimin comments as he reads a copy of her resume.
‘I don’t like her. She looks stiff and fake.’ I reply and Jimin snorts as he shakes his head.
‘Hyung, you’ve been saying that for every woman who steps in there. They can’t all be fake and you’re going to have to choose one eventually. There are only five left.’ Jimin comments and I sigh. I lower my head and pinch the bridge of my nose.
The other five aren’t any better as I refuse each one of them. Jin and Uncle Bang walk towards me, both of them looking pretty tired. After all, they have been interviewing for a good six hour stretch.
‘So, none of them have impressed you? Not even one.’ Jin asks and I shake my head. ‘I thought there were some good ones.’ He mutters under his breath. Jimin sighs and Bang laughs a bit, earning a confused look from Jin and Jimin.
‘What? Are you really surprised? I mean we’re talking about his son, so of course he’d want what is best for him.’ He says and I sigh. ‘Don’t worry Yoongi. We’ll just put the advertisement out again and do a second round.’ He says with an affirmative nod.
‘Thank you Ahjussi.’ I say as I give him a little bow. He waves it off and we all start to leave. I honestly don’t know what the boys and I would be doing now if it weren’t for him, years ago, as he brought us together. For the past couple of years, he’s been pretty much like a father figure for all of us.
As we reach the front door, I feel someone jump on my back. ‘What the…’ I begin to say before I recognize Yeon-joo’s giggles. I roll my eyes while I put her down. I hear Jimin, Jin and Uncle Bang laughing. ‘Joo! I almost dropped you to the ground. Don’t jump on my back like that – you’re not a baby.’ I scold her but she giggles more.
‘I was passing by and saw the four of you so I decided to come and bother my Oppa.’ She says. I see her looking at Jimin, a blush creeping on her face.
‘Yah stop looking at him like that.’ I say to her. Her blush gets even worse as I grab her hand. ‘Come on. Let’s go for some coffee.’ I say to her.
‘Hyung, do you want me to drive you?’ Jimin asks and I shake my head and he nods. ‘Okay. I’ll leave the car for you and ride with Jin hyung.’ Jimin says.
‘Yah where are your manners? Don’t you know you should ask before presenting yourself?’ Jin asks, smacking the back of Jimin’s head, making the rest of us laugh. Everyone knows Jin loves to tease us. He doesn’t usually play the eldest hyung card but every now and then, he likes to remind us, especially our maknae line.
‘Ow! Hyung don’t hit me in front of the kid.’ Jimin whines back. I chuckle, louder this time while my sister’s face goes even redder. She is quick to hide her face in her hands and I shake my head.
‘I’ll see you boys later. By Ahjussi.’ I say as the wave while I grab my sister’s hands and pull her with me. We start walking together silently until we reach the coffee shop. I order strong coffee while she orders white hot chocolate. I can’t help but laugh. ‘You have panna on your nose.’ I say.
‘Oh really?’ She asks as she wipes it away and giggles. ‘So, how did the interviews go?’ She asks.
‘You remembered?’ I ask and she nods as she takes another sip. ‘Horrible. I didn’t like any of them.’ I say while she gives me a skeptical look.
‘They couldn’t have all been bad.’ She comments but I shrug, bringing the coffee closer to my mouth. I go to take a sip but it’s still so damned hot so I put it back down.
‘I don’t know Joo. I just didn’t have a good feeling about any of them. None of them stuck out.’ I say and she nods silently before her head shoots up. ‘Oh no, whenever you give me that look it always means trouble.’ I say.
‘No, Oppa not this time but I just had an idea.’ She says. I cross my arms across my chest, allowing her to continue.
‘Do you remember last summer I had to do sixty hours volunteering somewhere for part of the school project?’ She asks and I nod.
‘Of course. You did them in a child care centre but Joo – I need a nanny, not somewhere I can ditch my son at.’ I reply.
‘First off, parents don’t ditch them off. They leave them there so they can go to work.’ Yeon-joo replies, her eyes narrowing at me, clearly not liking my choice of words. ‘Secondly, I was thinking of Mun-Hee. She’s been working in child care for seven years I think and I know she works another job at a restaurant. She’s super nice with kids. She’s actually the one who took me under her wing and showed me everything I needed to do.’ Yeon-Joon explains.
‘But she works there. I can’t just go to her and tell her to come work with me Joo.’ I say and she shakes her head.
‘No silly, but maybe talk to her manager. Pretend you’re looking for a nanny with experience of working with babies but I’m sure she’d let you talk to her. See what you think of her for yourself.’ Yeon-Joo explains with a shrug as she sips on her hot chocolate.
I bring the coffee back to my mouth as I think about what she said. Maybe it’s not such a bad idea and if my sister thinks that this Mun-Hee is good, then perhaps, I should try to talk to her.
