- I opened the door of my heart -
You’re the umbrella above my head
You are my shadow, I am your shade
You’re the umbrella above my head.
【Namjoon】
Nam joon‘Are you ready jagiya?’
Nam joonI ask my beautiful girlfriend as we wait backstage before it’s our turn to go out and sing our new song. She closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath but she can’t hide the smile on her face. I keep staring at her, unable to tear my gaze from her.
I ask my beautiful girlfriend as we wait backstage before it’s our turn to go out and sing our new song. She closes her eyes and lets out a deep breath but she can’t hide the smile on her face. I keep staring at her, unable to tear my gaze from her.
It’s been around eight years of us knowing each other, two of which we have been dating. Yet, every time I see her, she still takes my breath away. She was already gorgeous back then but she seems to continue to grow more beautiful with each passing day. No matter how much she changes hairstyles or her fashion, she always gets prettier.
She turns to look at me and nods.
‘I am. Are you?’
She asks in that teasing tone she likes to use. She knows how crazy it drives me but that doesn’t stop her. I smirk as I reach for her waist and pull her close to me. She lets out a tiny surprised gasp but she quickly puts her hand up against my chest.
Nam joon‘Don’t you know? I was born ready.’
I tease back. She laughs before I plant a gentle but quick peck to her lips. ‘Let’s go show them what YounJoon is all about.’ I say, using the ship name that our fans like to use. I see her eyes sparkle at that and I can’t help but smile as well.
‘Yes!’ She replies giggling a bit. I take her hand in mine as I intertwine our fingers together. To say we’re both excited is an understatement, after all, this is our first time that we are performing together, just the two of us since we became public.
When we became public, four months after we started dating, we had received mixed reactions as we expected. Many of ARMY went crazy about us as a couple, demanding to know more about the ins and outs of our relationship, others were happy for us, even supported us but kept going with their day as normal but there were some who absolutely hated the idea of us together. Some couldn’t understand why we were together, some still wanted me with my ex, some thought it was a ploy for fame. Hate became a daily thing as did harassment, judgement and frivolous death threats. For some reason or another, Younha got it even worse than I did. It wasn’t easy but Younha is someone who has always been able to deal with things face forward, without any reservations which is one of the many things I love about her.
Younha and I find our place in the middle of the stage which we share with some musicians. We nod at each other as the music begins and she starts to sing. I take a breath, trying to control my emotions. Somehow, no matter how many times I hear her sing, she still always manages to make me lose my breath. She sings, her voice sweet and tender as she lets out the first melodic notes before I join in.
Umbrella is a song that we had worked on even before we got together, a song that brought us closer but we never released it until a couple of weeks ago after she found it on her laptop and we retouched it and decided to release it. It instantly became a success and we were asked to sing it here and have an interview together right after the performance.
The two of us harmonize together as we sing small sounds before it comes my turn to start rapping. The rap starts off slow and as I rap, I focus on her. The rap in itself is like a story and it feels as if we become two characters in a drama and we’re telling their narrative. I finish mine and she quickly transitions into her part. I smile as she looks away and focuses on the crowd, her voice echoing.
I move around as I do the smaller bits that give the song more dynamic. We reach another transition as she turns to me and I take over for part of the chorus. My voice goes deeper as I sing in English, my eyes never leaving her. She responds back, her voice a contrast to mine. She finishes her part, returning the floor to me as I rap once more, except this time, there is more power to it. It starts slow but increases in pace as she also jumps in. While I rap, she sings fast, creating a beautiful combustion of tones and emotions. While her voice makes the song sound almost as if the character is sad or resigned with a little bit of hope, my character gets more aggressive and desperate as he clings on. My voice gets louder as I feel as if I am punching out the words while she keeps me on earth and keeps me from floating into space, giving me the ground, I so desperately need.
I finish my rap and she quickly takes over, creating yet another beautiful contrast. She reaches for my hand which I let her take as I do the add-ons. We join together as we both sing. I feel a nervous flutter in my heart because singing is not exactly my zone of comfort. Still, following her lead, I manage to keep up with her for a moment before she breaks into her high note. Damn, she sounds good!
I continue my part as she hits the high note, this time, it’s me who provides her with ground before she can fly away. She looks at me as she comes down from her notes and we harmonize the same sounds of the beginning as we finish the song, bringing it full circle. The music fades away only to be replaced by a deafening roar from the crowd as they cheer, clap and scream.
Younha and I look at each other, both of us nodding and resisting the urge to just hug and kiss in front of everybody and instead take comfort in the fact we’re still holding hands.
The host of the show, Mr. Yang makes his way to the stage wearing a fancy red suit. His hair is still silver and I doubt he’s ever changed colours in the past decade. Yet, he can’t really hide the process of aging no matter how much he tries. I can still see the start of wrinkles on his face. Still, for a man his age he looks quite good. He approaches and we both give him a bow. ‘Ahh ladies and gentlemen, another round of applause for Kim Namjoon and Song Younha!’ Mr. Yang exclaims. It doesn’t take much for the crowd to respond as they begin to clap and cheer once more while we make our way to the black leather couch.
Mr. Yang sits on a separate one, right across us, a glass coffee table separating us from him. We’re quickly brought water and I reach for the bottle and open it up, handing it to Younha on instinct. As I do, I hear the people awing and cooing which is almost a reminder we’re not at home.
Mr. Yang smiles although something about his smile doesn’t feel quite right. Maybe it’s just my paranoia about who I trust when it comes to these shows. I reach for the other water bottle, open it up and take a sip as the crowd is signalled to die down. Mr. Yang smiles as she shifts in his arm chair, one leg on top of the other.
Mr. Yang‘Kim Namjoon, Song Younha, firstly let me welcome you to the show. Thank you for coming.’ He says and we both nod.
Nam joon‘Thank you for having us Mr. Yang.’ I say and he nods. ‘It was honestly a pleasure to perform this song together with Younha so thank you for the opportunity.’
Mr. Yang‘Of course. I could not resist. The first time I heard the song on the radio, I instantly knew it was going to be a hit. Some say it’s because of you being one of the singers.
Mr. Yang says and I sigh. There is it, the very first sexist jab of the night, claiming that I’m the one brought success to the song.
Nam joon‘Um, I doubt that. This song wouldn’t be what it is if it wasn’t for Younha. It was her who composed the melody and the lyrics. I did the rap part and add-ons and we produced it together so this is her song even more than it is mine.’
Nam joonI say, forcing a smile.
You‘It’s our song, not mine or his. We don’t need to measure.’
‘It’s our song, not mine or his. We don’t need to measure.’
She says, playfully elbowing me in the stomach, as if to remind me to behave. I know that behind her own playfulness, she’s probably also annoyed that the very first comment was that.
Mr. YangMr. Yang says as he shifts on his armchair.
Mr. YangAsk：‘You two work incredibly well together. You have been together for over two years now, right?
Nam joon‘Yes, two incredible and amazing years.’
I say as I steal a glance at her. I see her smile, this time genuinely.
Mr. Yang‘Everyone knows that the two of you had known each other even before with you being Jung Hoseok’s little cousin and also being in the same high school as Kim Taehyung and Park Jimin. I imagine you must be really good friends with all the members as well.’
You‘Oh definitely. Hobi-Oppa and I practically grew up together. We lived in the same street as kids so we spent a lot of time together so he’s pretty much like a brother to me. As for Tae and Chim, we were in high school together, we had all the same classes and grew really close but like you said, I am pretty close with all the boys.’
Mr. Yang‘I can imagine. Besides being all idols, you probably help each other a lot. Do they help you when it comes to creation of albums or choreographies?’
He asks, a slight smirk on his face. Younha stares at him for a moment and I stop myself from rolling my eyes at the double meaning of the question. He’s trying to diminish her credibility as an artist as he tries to insinuate that we do the work for her.
Nam joonRapidly replied： ‘We do but not in the way that people might think.’
Nam joon‘Younha is incredible at what she does and I’m not saying this because she’s my girlfriend but she’s always been really good. She produces and writes her own content and comes up with dances with her choreographer. Younha, the boys and I help each other by sometimes asking each other’s opinions about the work we’re doing but mostly it’s about supporting each other.’
say, earning a small chuckle from Younha.
I say, earning a small chuckle from Younha.
You‘Joon is right. You have to remember we work in two different companies as well. We have different management and different CEOs we have to respond to but each other’s opinion is really important.’
Mr. Yang'Mentioning opinion, I know you both have really good relationship with your fans and I imagine their opinion on what you do is very important.'
You'Of course. The music we do, the shows and the content, it's all for them. We wouldn't be the artists we are if it isn't for the fans who are so devoted to us.'
Nam joon'She's right. The fans, ARMY, the mean the world to both of us. ARMY has been standing behind me and the boys from day one and we watched our family grow and we are eternally grateful for the love they have shown us and continue to show us.'
I say with a smile I cannot hide. Thinking and speaking of ARMY always gets me so riled up and emotional as well. Their support means the world to me and I absolutely hate it when other people try to drag them through the mud for loving us. Of course, not everyone is perfect and there are so called fans who don't deserve to be called ARMY in the first place.
Mr. Yang'Yes, yes, of course you're right. Now about your relationship, some people love you together, some absolutely hate it. Some of the reasons are that some ARMY do not like Younha and think she is using BTS.'
Mr. Yang says and I sigh, having almost half expected this question.
Nam joon'Oh please. Younha and us debuted together and as everyone knows, BTS struggled in the beginning while Younha started charting and doing well from the very beginning. She never needed BTS for any of her successes.'
I respond and Mr. Yang nods.
We finish the interview。
and ‘thank’ Mr. Yang before we head out of the studio. We get into the car which is waiting for us and the driver begins to take us to her apartment.
Nam joon‘Well that was tiring.’
Nam joon（I mumble as I reach for her hand and intertwine my fingers with hers.）
You‘You can say that again.’
She replies with a tired smile
You‘I honestly just can’t wait to get to my apartment and sleep.’
‘How about I run you a hot bath first and I’ll order us some food. You need to eat first.’ I say and she nods as she snuggles closer to me. I feel my phone vibrating and I take it out to see it’s a message from Hoseok. She peers in to look as well.
HobiHey you two were amazing. 😍😍You sounded amazing and you were lit when responding to those questions. Xxx ❤️️😘😘
HobiI look at Younha who smiles contently at her cousin’s praise. She takes the phone from my hand and begins to type away and I just look on to see what she is writing.
I look at Younha who smiles contently at her cousin’s praise. She takes the phone from my hand and begins to type away and I just look on to see what she is writing.
oonie: Hey Hobi-Opppa, it’s Peaches and Joonie. ❤️️❤️️ I kind of stole his phone because I’m too lazy to reach over for mine haha 😂😂 Thank you so much cuz ❤️️😘 We’re going home now but I’ll come see you soon xxx Love you xxx 😘😘😘
She sends the text and looks at me. ‘Hobi is so amazing. He’s always so supportive.’ She says and I nod because she’s right. Even when we had just debuted and we had our own busy schedules, he always made it a point to try and be there for her as much as possible. Then again, so did she. They were like two peas in a pods, always supporting each other.
We arrive at her apartment and we thank the driver as we go inside. We take off our jackets and put them up against the hanger. We swap our shoes to house slippers and we go upstairs. ‘I’ll run the bath.’ I say. She smiles as she grabs me by the shirt and pulls me closer. She presses her lips against mine and I can taste the strawberry lipstick she has on. I kiss her back before we pull away and I head to the bathroom.
I open the taps, letting the water flow. I grab one of the candles and light it up and put it in place, letting it scent the bathroom. Of course, it’s the smell of peaches and mango. I grab one of the many bath bombs she has and unwrap it. I check the water temperature and I nod to myself, content with it. I close the water taps and throw the bath bomb in. I hear it hiss as it dissolves quickly and rapidly. I’ve always found it rather fascinating, watching something so small react in such a way when placed in the water. The smell of peaches quickly starts to fill the room as the door opens and Younha walks in with her silk robe on. I lick my lower lip as I see her and she smiles.
Nam joon‘Um, your bath awaits.’
I say and she nods. She untangles the rope slowly and then opens her robe and quickly gets into the bathtub.
You‘Ahh this is perfect Joonie. Thank you.’
She says contently as she closes her eyes and sinks in. I kneel down so I’m at her level and tuck a piece of hair behind her ears.
Nam joon‘Nothing but the best for my baby. Now, what do you feel like eating? Chinese? Indian? Sushi?’
I ask her. She seems to think about it for a moment before her eyes light up.
You‘Indian sounds nice. What do you think?’
She asks and I nod as I stand up. ‘Thank you Joonie.’ She says and I smile as I kiss her on top of her head.
Nam joon‘I’ll go make the order.’
I tell her. I leave the room, letting her enjoy the bath in peace. I go to the living room and I sit on the couch as I quickly log onto the site. I choose the food, type in the address and pay before I head to the bedroom. I grab a T-shirt and a pair of shorts and go to the spare bedroom.
I take a quick shower, dry off and get dressed before I head to the living room. I clear the coffee table and grab two wine glasses from the cabinet and put them in place. I go to the fridge and grab a bottle of red wine. I pry it open and grab two candles from cupboard. I take them to the living room and put the wine on the table and I light up the candles.
I switch on the TV as I search through the shows. I stop on 9-1-1, a show both Younha and I love and that we need to catch up on. I go back to the kitchen as I grab two plates and the utensils we need, forks, tablespoon and chopsticks. I grab some issues and take them back to the living room and put them in place. I smile as I open the cupboard and take out the box where I have rose petals hidden. I scatter them on the table and take a step back admiring it.
I take out my phone and snap a quick picture. I’ve always been one to share a lot of my life with ARMY and I know many of them love to know about my relationship with Younha. Many of them go crazy whenever I post something about us so I try to indulge them while ignoring those who choose to hate. I choose a filter before posting the photo on Twitter.
Younha and I had an incredible time performing Umbrella but tonight is all about me and her and a late-night dinner (which we’re waiting for).
#Umbrella #DateNight #IndianFood
I smile as I press post and just as I do the doorbell rings. I grab the tip money I prepared and quickly go to the door and look through the peephole and see it’s the delivery guy. I open the door and he gives me a slight bow.
Delivery：‘Your order sir.’ He says as he hands me the food.
I say as I take the food and give him the tip. His eyes go big as he sees the amount and I shrug.
Nam joon‘Have a good night.’ I say and he nods.
You‘You too sir.’ He replies as he puts the money away and walks back to his scooter. I close the door and go back to the living room. I take out the food and put it in place just as I hear Younha coming down. She’s wearing her black silk pajamas that I really love. She stops in her tracks as she looks at the living room.
‘You too sir.’ He replies as he puts the money away and walks back to his scooter. I close the door and go back to the living room. I take out the food and put it in place just as I hear Younha coming down. She’s wearing her black silk pajamas that I really love. She stops in her tracks as she looks at the living room.
‘Joonie!’ She exclaims in a whisper before she looks at me. I walk up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. I put my head on the crook between her head and shoulder and she puts her hands on top of mine.
You‘This is incredible. Thank you.’
Nam joon‘It’s something small. I wanted to celebrate us performing our song together for the first time and I know we both had a tiring day so I thought we’d have date night here instead.’
She says before she turns around and puts her hands against my cheeks.
‘And I love you.’ She says.
Nam joon‘I love you too cupcake.’
I say as I lean down to give her a kiss.
