This is the first time I dare to say this. It has been six years, and I feel that it is about to rot in my memory, but now that I say it, everything is still clear... When I came home that night, both sides of my face were bulging. It was swollen from being beaten, and both palms were also in severe pain. It was swollen from beating someone.
All the way I was thinking about how to explain my appearance when I got home. I was terrified to death, terrified to death, how much I hoped that the road home would be longer, longer, and I couldn't see my head at a glance, which would make my The swelling and pain were eliminated, and I could recover as if nothing had happened, and then go home.
When I opened the door, my hands were shaking so much that I couldn't even hold the key... To this day, I can't figure out why I was so scared at that time, as if I was not going home, but on the operating table, and all my cowardice, timidity, and incompetence would be spread out under the operating light. It was clear that there was no way to escape. The door opened, which was different from the opening that I had expected countless times in my mind. The light was not on, and it was pitch black.
Can you understand that feeling? What would the book say, a hanging heart fell, right? I later found out that my parents were called to play mahjong, and at that time my legs were both soft, I didn't dare to turn on the light, I walked around the house feeling the wall, and after making sure there was no one, I put the ice cubes in a bag and put it on my face as I had seen on TV before.
I was afraid that my parents would come back, and I didn't dare to wash my face. I took off my coat and lay on the bed, covering my head with a quilt.
In that dead silence, the pain in my hands and face, the coldness of the ice cubes, all became more and more intense, and the same thing was my heart... I found that my heart was still falling, it kept falling, as if there was no bottom line, I seemed to be able to hear the whirring of the wind when it fell.
I've been waiting for a soft, a little damp soil to catch it eventually, or a hard rock to be smashed to pieces, and I just want my heart to go to the bottom. I couldn't help but cry, but I didn't dare to make a sound, so I could only bite the quilt and let the tears fall.
At that time, I seemed to be walking on a subversive road, black and white, wrong and right. No one can give me a transparent answer.
I wrapped in a thick layer of disguise, just hope not to be afraid, not to panic.
I can't let go, I can only be polluted with the river.
I thought I was bullying and being bullied for so many years, and my heart was already a hard rock.
However, when I met Yi Yao in the following year, I clearly understood that after so many years, I was still waiting, waiting for my heart to fall to a solid ground, it was trapped in that bottomless pit, and there was no end to hesitation.
