• I stopped in the driveway in front of the house, panting furiously. My fingers still clenched on the gun, but after a moment I secured it and slipped it behind the waistband of my pants on my back, hiding it under my blouse. A moment later I heard quiet footsteps and felt warm fingers tightening on my shoulder.
• - I'll take you to the shooting range, do you want to?
• I didn't answer, just turned toward Yoongi and hugged him. He embraced me lightly and held me in his arms for a few minutes, waiting for me to calm down. When I came to my senses a bit, I let him lead me to the car and got in. I was grateful to him for not trying to talk to me, just driving straight ahead. We traveled the whole way in silence, and only when I got to the room and fired a full magazine I decided to talk to him.
• - I acted like a lunatic - I began - I have no idea why I got so mad. I will have to apologize to Seon and Lucas.
• - As for Seon I agree, but for Lucas you can let it go - Yoongi smiled slightly - and you are not a lunatic. I suspect that's how you unwind what's going on around you. Everyone has a different way of dealing with stress, and even more so with grief. And what was it that Seon did? Because Xiao wasn't able to explain anything to me, he just told me to come as soon as possible.
• I put the gun down on the table in front of me and rested my hands on it. Now that I had calmed down, what I had done seemed abnormal. But then, when I returned to the bedroom and found Seon there, folding Kai's belongings lying in the bed sheets, and above all, when a breath of fresh air reached me, I was overwhelmed with rage. I was furious that Seon dared to enter there without asking and violate the only place in the house where I could still smell and feel Kai's presence. I felt tears come to my eyes and once again that day I found comfort in Yoongi's arms.
• - I didn't ask her to do this, she had no right to go in there without my permission - I whispered quietly as he stroked my hair - why can't they give me some peace? Why can't I be alone, but they both have to constantly circle around me?
• - I know you've heard this many times before, but Seon just wants to help you. She's your friend and she's worried about you - he quietly sighed - talk to her and try to calmly explain to her that you want to be alone. That's the only way it can work.
• - How will I look her in the eye now? - I slipped out of his arms - I treated her really badly.
• - Y/n, I'm sure that if you explain everything to her, Seon will understand you. Each of us experiences everything differently. Seon is one of those people who seek comfort from their loved ones. You, on the other hand, try to deal with everything on your own and react to attempts to help you with anger. That's why things came to a head between the two of you, because Seon most likely assumed you were just like her.
• - There is still Lucas left, how can I explain to him that I shot at him? In general, what has gotten into me?! I would never suspect myself of such a thing.
• - Don't worry about Lucas, especially that he provoked you on purpose, so he owes it to himself.
• - What do you mean on purpose?
• - He was furious about how you treated his sister, so he started to lose control himself. And when he realized that he could use this to his own aims, he pulled it further. He tested what you would do and how far you would go under the influence of rage.
• - But I could have killed him!
• - You could have, but you didn't. Anyway, Lucas rarely behaves in a rational way, so I'm not surprised that he decided to take such a risk. Although if you had killed him, we would have had one crackhead out of the picture.
• - Yoongi! - I raked him with my eyes - you promised me something!
• - Yes, I remember and I won't break my word - he assured me - but there was no way I was going to be nice to him.
• - What am I supposed to do with you two? - I shook my head resignedly - did it all go on like this until the end? Will I have to watch my back for the rest of my life and fight this pain I feel in my heart?
• - It will get easier for you with time, but it won't happen now - Yoongi smiled sadly - the pain will stay with you forever, but over time you will learn to live with it and it will diminish. Now you can only slowly get used to it and turn it into a strength. A strength that will help you survive the chaos and fulfill your vow. You are a strong woman and you can handle all this. Besides, you can count on me. What I told you then is true. I am loyal only to you and will never betray you.
• - Thank you, Yoongi - I smiled gratefully - you don't even know how much that means to me.
• An hour later, Yoongi drove me home. All the way there I wondered how I was going to explain myself to Lucas and Seon, but in the end I let it go. I was going to follow Yoongi's advice and tell them everything straight, without wrapping my mind around it. I just hoped that I could do it calmly and not end up in another fierce brawl. I entered the house and, as I expected, found Lucas and Xiao in the living room. I walked over to the bar and poured myself a whiskey.
• - I was sure I smashed all the glass - I turned toward them, taking a sip of alcohol.
• - Fortunately, we still had a few glasses in stock - Lucas looked at me intently - but the cabinet we will have to buy a new one, or rather order one, because I doubt we will still get such a thing in the same style as the one you destroyed anywhere.
• - Is Seon back to her place?
• - No, she's upstairs, but if you're going to yell at her once again, you can be sure I won't let you.
• - I want to apologize to her. Xiao, can you ask Seon to come downstairs?
• - Yes - he nodded slightly and disappeared down the stairs, leaving us alone.
• - I should apologize to you too - I sat down in the armchair opposite Lucas.
• - You don't have to - he shook his head - I understand that you were angry, by the way, I have to admit that I myself tried to upset you even more. Therefore, you don't have to apologize to me. I just want you to apologize to my sister. You can take it out on me all you want, I don't mind, but my sister is untouchable, do you understand?
• - I understand, and you can be sure that this will not happen again.
• I raised my eyes as I heard footsteps on the stairs and saw Seon coming down slowly. Traces of crying were still visible on her face and I felt even more foolish. I set my glass down on the table and wordlessly approached my friend.
• - I'm sorry - I whispered quietly and pulled her close to me - I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have jumped on you like that. I panicked because you started to clean there and I was afraid that after that I would completely stop feeling his presence. I am so sorry.
• - I'm the one who is sorry - she slid out of my arms to look me in the face - I should have asked your permission. It was my fault. I should have guessed that you might react this way. I'm sorry.
• We hugged each other again and lasted like that for some time, quietly sobbing. After a while, we were joined by Lucas, who embraced us both and we stood like that together for a few minutes. Finally, he let us out of his embrace and pulled us toward the couch so we could sit down. Seon sat down next to him, and I returned to my seat in the armchair. I raised my glass to my lips, but after a moment's thought I set it down on the table.
• - I want to ask you guys something else.
• - What? - Seon asked quietly.
• - Give me some space to breathe and let me deal with this on my own - I said - I know you want to help me, that you are doing this because you are worried about me, but it doesn't get any easier. I feel even more overwhelmed by this and I feel like I'm starting to suffocate. You don't have to be next to me all the time, you don't have to be afraid that I will hurt myself - I emphasized the last word.
• - I thought that's how we would help you, that's what you need.
• - No, Seon, all I need is time. Time to get used to it all. Time to implement myself in my new responsibilities and time to get used to this emptiness in my heart. If I need your help, your support then I will certainly ask you for it, but right now I need time. I need to sort it all out myself. Will you let me do that?
• - Yes - Lucas smiled slightly - if this is what you need, you will get it. We won't pressure you or forcefully help you anymore, right Seon?
• - True - Seon smiled gently - you can count on us at any time. And for my part, I assure you that next time I will ask your permission before doing anything here. After all, you are the lady in this house.
• - Thank you, truly.
• I smiled sadly, hearing Seon's last words. Now I was the owner of this house, as well as many other things. It was just a pity that it had to happen in such a brutal way, completely far from what both Kai and I had planned.
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