"Okay guys, we're getting ready to go on stage in 15," the manager called out, sticking his head in the open door.
BTS were all dressed up and sitting in their waiting room, makeup on and stage outfits perfectly decked out for the occasion of their opening stage; full of glitter and metal accessories. The boys were spread out in the room, warming up their vocals, some briefly reviewing their choreography, others looking at the monitor and watching all the Army bombs flailing in the air like fireflies in the darkness of the arena. Some did last minute check ins in the mirror to make sure their hair was in it's right place, no fly aways or lose strands.
Jimin sat down on the couch and decided to open his phone and look at his last post from a few minutes ago on instagram. A picture of his fingers as they held the position of a "peace" sign in front of the billboard slogan for their current concert, metal and black rings on several of his delicate looking fingers.
Good luck, oppa!! one fan commented.
I wish I was there T.T
Kill it!! You're going to do great!
Look at those baby fingers!!
I love you so much, you are my everything
Some time passed and his heart pumped with a little adrenaline when the manager peeked in to tell them to get ready in five.
He was about to put his phone away when one comment stood out from among the many.
You're about to make so many people so happy. You have no idea of the power you hold in those small little hands!! Thank you for being you, Jimin. I hope to see you one day, and I can hold your small hands and tell you thank you in person.
Though he received many flattering comments and messages, this one in particular made him feel warm at the moment. It also made him laugh. He was now more prepared to go out there and energized to give it his all. It would be another night to remember.
~~~
You sat at your computer with a smile on your face. His posts always made you so happy. But then you frowned. BTS was performing in LA, and you were stuck in New York.
You wished more than anything to be there, but life had it's plans and currently that wasn't one of them. Still, you were smiling at the thought of Jimin about to perform. You could almost hear the roaring in your ears as the fans chanted, the waves of lights throughout the venue as thousands of people screamed louder when the main screen started to play the introduction video, alerting all that the boys would come out within mere seconds. The rush of excitement in your viens and elation.
Of course, this wasn't from experience. It was something you could only imagine being apart of. You've never been to a BTS concert before, only in your dreams. You could never afford it. You were saving up slowly for the day it might happen, but also scared because now that they were so popular internationally, it would be even harder to snag a ticket. Really, it was probably a fading dream and you had to just admit that it wasn't going to happen. Still, a girl could dream.
You watched so many of their concerts online and Youtube that you knew exactly how it all went. You wondered what it would be like for the fans who were ever so fortunate enough to experience this once in a lifetime opportunity. Watching these concerts, picturing yourself there, in the front of the stage, waving like crazy at the members and screeching happily at the sound of your favorite songs when they would play. All the members, they each had their funny and charming sides and took up a spot of their own in your heart. But no matter how fair you tried to be, you couldn't deny that there was one that always pulled your heartstrings further than anyone has ever done, and that was Jimin.
His sweet shy but bright eye smile and toothy grin. The way his two front teeth were slightly uneven making him all the more adorable. His powerful stage presence and amazing dancing ability and powerful legs, not to mention his angelic soft yet emotional voice that seemed to be able to conquer any song given to him and present the deepest of feeling to heartfelt lyrics. He was perfect, at least in your eyes. Well, no doubt, he was perfect in the eyes of many other girls around the world too. But something about him made you feel enamored and happy and fuzzy and whenever you were sad or feeling empty, he gave you that spark of joy again. He gave you hope. One day, you hoped to tell him all that he really meant to you, and the strength that he gave you to carry on each day.
Staring at his instagram picture, you knew he was about to make memories to some fans that they would never forget.
~~~
"Phew! That was so great," Taehyung said, collapsing in the seat in the dressing room. He wiped his sweat off his forehead with a towel as the staff were running over with mini fans.
"Awww, Namjoon hyung got so emotional today!" Jungkook joked, looking his way with a teasing voice.
"I know, I barely ever see his lip quivering like that, he must've been really moved," Suga uttered.
"I did not, you guys are so exaggerated," RM rolled his eyes, turning around away from them to briefly wipe his watery eyes on his shirt. "Ah, the fans were great tonight," he breathed out.
"They sure were. Their cheers were louder than ever. And the arena was so packed," Jhope gasped in awe. "Waaah, ARMY is the best."
Jimin sat there in exhaustion and thought. His legs were burning from overworked muscles and his voice was tired. He couldn't wait to sleep when they got back to their shared apartment. Yet, laying back on the small couch he thought about how much love he received. It made his heart swell and was every bit of worth it.
The boys all stripped down their stage outfits and got into casual comfy clothes and sweats. Walking to the car they weren't surprised to see ARMY fans waiting for them outside. They waved them a goodbye and as they showered them with thank you's and finger hearts, their phones out to capture every moment before they left. Some fans ran to the end of the block just to see them off as they drove away.
"So who's hungry?" their manager asked.
"I want pizza."
"I want korean barbeque."
"Bibimbop!!"
"Ramen!"
"Oh c'mon guys, we're gonna have to make so many stops. Can't we just settle on one place?" Jin asked tiredly.
"Fine..." Jungkook sat back in his seat with a pout and his arms crossed.
"Wow, this city is beautiful," Jhope looked out the window and admired all the buildings and lights making the streets glow in the night.
When they finally settled on a restaurant that they could all agree on, they scarfed down their food and talked about the highlights of the concert and also teased each other.
"Taehyung almost dropped the mic when he tried to show off and flip it up in the air, did you guys see that?" Jin cracked up.
"Yeah, but he caught it pretty quick before it fell with his fast reflexes. It was hilarious."
"Not as hilarious as when you almost squeaked during your high note when your voice almost cracked."
"I swear I heard a fart come out. Did anyone else hear it? I can't be the only one."
"I didn't fart!! It was Jimin!! How dare you shift the blame on me, Jhope."
Jimin was too engrossed in his phone to pay attention to the bickering. He was reading comments off the last post Bighit made of a picture of the 7 of them posing with all the fans in a group photo.
"He doesn't even care, he's been staring at his phone for the past couple of minutes," RM muttered.
"Yeah he doesn't even hear us."
When they got in the car it was a quiet ride home, as most of the boys fell asleep.
~~~
You lay in bed staring up at the ceiling. It was 3 am and you couldn't sleep. You wondered BTS was doing right now. Specifically, what Jimin was doing right now.
You usually had a good sleep schedule, but there were times like these where you had random insomnia. You knew you were going to be up for a while, so you crawled out of bed quietly and tiptoed down the hallway, deciding to warm up some tea in the kitchen. Hearing your parents snore and your little brother, it made you jealous. They always slept really well and usually you were the only one awake at these times.
You opted for some warm, lemon raspberry tea. Warming up the water in the pot above the stove, the fruity senses wafted up your nose and made you relax. You always felt tea had this way of mellowing down your mood when you felt uneasy or unable to stay still. It calmed some of your ruminating thoughts and soothed your heart.
When you finished brewing the tea you poured it into your mug and made your way back to your room, setting the cup on the nightstand next to you and climbing back into bed. You took out your phone, plugged in your headphones and listened to BTS songs quietly while closing your eyes.
Little did you know, on the other side of the world, Jimin was having a hard time sleeping as well.
In their shared hotel rooms, the boys paired up and were all asleep. He had shared his room with Jin. Jin was sound asleep, stomach rising and falling and a slight soft snore with his mouth opened. Jimin twisted and turned and shut his eyes and forced himself to try and drift off, but no matter what he did he just couldn't. Jin's snore was getting louder and was too distracting, so he folded his arms under his head and lay flat on his back, staring up at the ceiling.
Jimin wished he could go outside. But he knew better. He knew someone would catch him outside and he would be caught by some cameras or a group of swarming fans. Even at 3 am, it was possible.
He felt strangely empty. This feeling didn't happen to often, as he was always too busy to think about his feelings and usually crashed right after the daily schedules right into his pillow and straight to dreamland. But when it did, it always lingered. Lately, he had been feeling lonely, and like nobody gets him. He loved his members, but he didn't feel he could get personal and open up about how he felt, especially when they were always in cheerful moods. He faked a smile a few times just to cover up the loneliness and not show it, but deep inside, it was always there.
He chuckled to himself and shook his head as he thought. You would think with all these people he had surrounding him daily, he wouldn't feel so lonely. But even he could be surrounded by many, but still feel all alone.
He took a deep breath from the overwhelming feeling and sat up, getting an idea. Climbing carefully out of bed without waking Jin, he tiptoed through the room and slipped on his sneakers. Cracking the door open and taking a peek down the hallway to make sure no one was there, he closed the door softly and headed towards the stairs, making his way up to the roof.
Thankfully it was open, and when he took his first few steps into the brisk cold air, his lungs filled with freedom. He squatted down to the floor and admired the quiet view from below. All the sparkling lights from the sleeping city, cars whooshing through the roads. For some reason, he wished someone was sitting next to him in this moment and taking it all in along with him. He yearned for the feeling of someone's hand in his as they both sat in silence and comfort. He shook his head; It was a weird thought. Maybe it's because he saw so many couples today on the way back to the hotel or roaming the streets from the inside of their black van, but he wished to share the world with someone. Being part of the industry felt great at times, but it was the emptiness that often made him feel lost, and sometimes he just wish he was... normal.
He loved his fans though. They were what kept him going, despite that yearning for a close relationship with someone. He opened up his Instagram to see a message from a fan, someone had replied to his story on Instagram.
Are you okay? I sense the sadness and tiredness of the day in your eyes. Please be happy, Jimin.
He blinked. In that photo he posted, he was smiling. He had just came off from the stage at that moment and was in the dressing room alone. Slowly, that high of performing was evaporating and a heaviness started to set back in. He didn't think anyone would notice it, since everyone else's responses were things like "oh, how cute!" or "look at that smile, you are the best!" It made him feel nice but he knew it wasn't a hundred percent the truth. He wanted to hide that, actually, but this person seemed to see right through.
He felt like answering. He really wanted to ask this person how they saw what they did. Instead, he checked their profile. Y/N, Jimin's my life.
He read the name and smiled, but he looked at her picture, and a thought came up in his head: she's really pretty.
Many of his fans were pretty and even gorgeous, but she was pretty in a natural way. She wasn't trying to hard. She had a simple smile and warmth in her eyes. It made him curious to click more.
Her bio said she was from New York. She had lots of funny quotes on her page which made him laugh out loud. She definitely had a sense of humor. There were pictures of her with trees and flowers, some of animals. She had lots of lighthearted pictures with friends and family, some of her journeys alone in cafe's or her with her BTS lightstick and T-shirt. It had his name printed in the front of her chest, and a heart next to where her heart was. He smiled. How cute. His fans really gave him life when he was down, and this was so flattering to see how much they admired him, even when at times, he didn't see what they saw in himself. Looking back at his account, he also saw her comment on a lot of his posts, she was a loyal fan. All the posts were happy except for one, it was a plain black screen with the caption:
When you're surrounded by a thousand souls on this planet, but you still don't feel whole. It's like you're wearing the mask of a lie.
That struck him. That was just how he felt. She didn't struck him as the type to be depressed, especially from all these happy pictures, but her showing her thoughts in this way made him feel connected to her in a strange way he couldn't pinpoint. She was also human. His fingers were itching to type. He found himself wanting to message her, but he couldn't. He knew he couldn't. What if she became too excited and screenshot it and posted for the whole world to see? His fans would attack her. He would get in trouble. What if she didn't, but his account somehow got hacked and it leaked out? Surely it wouldn't be good for his image to see that he was messaging random girls.
So found himself making a fake account.
~~
Mochiboy95 wants to message you, you were suddenly alerted as you opened your Instagram in the middle of browsing. You raised an eyebrow. The profile had no face. Usually these types of things were suspicious. You decided to open it, expecting some creep to say something vulgar or leave a random link for you to click on, but to your surprise, a message popped up from one of your posts from a couple of weeks ago.
I feel lonely, too. was all it said. You frowned. The account was private, but the response was not what you were expecting at all.
Even though you had caution in you when talking to a stranger, you decided to message back.
~~~
Why? Is everything okay?
Jimin froze as he received a response. Isn't it like, 3 am in New York? What is she doing still up?
It felt weird how they were far away from each other, yet still on at the same time. He didn't expect a response so quickly, or any for that matter. She didn't know who he was. Yet, she showed her concern.
I don't know... I don't know why I feel empty. He found himself typing.
She responded. It's okay not to know.
What do you do when you feel lost? he asked her.
Me? Hmm... I like sing. Sometimes it calms me to think of a song that my heart is pounding for at the moment, or sing lyrics I relate to, and let my voice do the releasing. Sometimes I write down how I feel... I can write them as if I am making a song and telling a story. Also, a cup of tea helps too!! Something warm is always calming.
He thought about his passion for music. It is no wonder music connects a lot of people. He can agree on that.
Oh, also! I listen to BTS of course! Their lyrics are very relatable and inspiring.
His lips broke out into a smile.
Can I ask, why are you helping me? You don't even know who I am.
He hope he didn't sound rude to what he just typed, but he was really curious. Of course if she knew it was him, she would respond quickly, anyone would respond to him knowing who he was. But because he was just a random stranger with no real identity, yet she still talked to him... He didn't see that every day.
Because, she said, we are all lost souls, just looking for meaning. We need to come together and become whole again. We need to look after each other. That is also a message BTS conveys as well, you know! But besides that, I know how you feel... and I care.
We are all lost souls... I care. That struck a cord in him. Never has he heard words directed at him in that way in response to his deep personal feelings.
They continued to type back and forth, and as the wind brushed his cheek and his arms hugged around his knees in the darkness, it was the first time that he was starting to feel that maybe...
maybe he wasn't totally alone.