~ 1 ~
Late at night, I suddenly remembered a few events that had happened.
When I was a 2nd-year University student, a high school classmate came to Daegu to meet me.
During our chat she mentioned, “I always thought you were studying at Yonsei University because of Taehyung.”
I said I wasn’t, and asked her why she would think that way.
She said, “Don’t you know? Yonsei University and Taehyung’s university have a program where they exchange students annually.”
I knew about this because when I first entered university the school did mention such a program. However, I never really took notice of it.
“When we were filling in our forms relating to our desired universities, Taehyung suddenly came to look for me and asked me whether my brother was a Yonsei University student who was currently on an exchange program. I said yes, and that Yonsei University had slots for students to go on an exchange program to Taehyung’s university every year. Taehyung then asked me for my brother’s subject. At that time, I thought he was interested in Yonsei University. It was only later when I understood that he was actually asking on your behalf.”
Stunned, I said, “But he has never ever told me about this.”
“Perhaps he didn’t want to stress you about it.”
My mind went blank.
When I was filling in my form relating to my desired universities, I was extremely indecisive. I’m not like Seokjin or Taehyung, both of whom could easily obtain admission into any university that they selected. Rather, my grades were mediocre at best, and thus it was very hard for me to choose a university. Now that I think about it, the universities which I ultimately selected were all universities that Taehyung had found by flipping through the entire university admission booklet.
It was only then that I understood – starting from a long time ago, back when I was still cowering in fear, trying to push him far away from me, he had already silently started to make plans to incorporate me into his future.
During the process of growing up, the most regretful part often lies in the fact that we always meet the best people we’d ever meet when we’re still ignorant and clueless, and thus we fail to recognize their goodness.
~ 2 ~
The second thing.
I’m a person whose reaction time is very slow; thus, I didn’t particularly miss him after he left. The truth was, even without him, I managed to live my University life in a very fulfilling and joyful manner, and I even made a bunch of extremely interesting and cheerful friends. Till today, I still think back very fondly on my University life.
One day, I was studying in the library. It was about 3:30 PM in the afternoon. As I was seated near the window, the sunlight shone through the big window onto my book. Illuminated by the sunlight, a single sentence stood out to me: “The beauty of spring has arrived, but you’re no longer by my side.”
On my way home, that sentence kept repeating itself in my mind, and I couldn’t get rid of it no matter how hard I tried. Usually, it would only require 10 minutes to walk from the library back to my dorm; that day, however, I took a long detour and walked the entire circumference of the university.
As the sun began to set, I started making my way back to the dorm.
The last rays of sunlight remained on the ground, and the Peach Blossom trees lining the streets were swaying in the wind. Everything was normal, and everything was progressing smoothly, but at that very moment, I suddenly understood the saying “If you’re able to bring yourself to talk about it, you’re not experiencing true loneliness.”
My brain kept replaying the sentence: 'The beauty of spring has arrived, but you’re no longer by my side.'
That was the first time I cried over his departure after he left. I’m normally very good at controlling my emotions and enduring any form of pain – but at that moment, I truly felt that I was unable to control my emotions any longer. I discovered that I still had so much to say to him. I wanted to tell him that right now, I’m very happy, that I no longer felt any sense of inferiority, and that my life has become relaxed and joyful. I wanted to tell him that I worked every single day to improve myself, that I participated in various extra-curricular activities, and that I signed up for various self-improvement classes. I wanted to tell him that I was gradually morphing into a better person and that I was filled with hope whenever I thought about my future. Right now, I’m the best I’ve ever been – everything would be perfect if only you were by my side.
And yet, the beauty of spring has arrived, but you’re no longer by my side.
~ 3 ~
Having written the above two passages, my heartfelt rather heavy. I shut the laptop and turned back to look at him.
He had already fallen asleep.
I crawled onto the bed and whispered in his ear, “Can we promise never to separate in the future?”
He grunted sleepily
“It’s in the middle of the night, don’t be crazy.” His deep voice resonated.
“Answer me first.”
He helped tuck me into the blanket with his eyes shut.
“From the first day I met you, I have never thought about separating.”
This is the third small thing.
