~ 1 ~
During winter last year, I bizarrely contracted a bout of dermatitis.
The hospital prescribed me a bunch of medicine, and the doctor instructed me to watch my diet – I wasn’t allowed to eat seafood, I wasn’t allowed to drink milk, I wasn’t allowed to eat eggs, I wasn’t allowed to eat beef and mutton, and I wasn’t allowed to eat spicy food…
I immediately felt that there was no more meaning in life.
“What’s the point in living any longer? After all, the main purpose of living in this world is to eat.”
He glared at me, “Could you have more ambitions in life?” Under Taehyung’s supervision, our house would definitely qualify for the Environmentally Friendly House Award. The table was filled with all sorts of vegetable dishes, and I ate till my vision was turning green. He took pity on me, and finally relented, allowing me to eat some pork meat.
That night, he cooked a plate of flavored pork, and I was so touched that I nearly cried when I was eating the pork meat. I told him in all earnestness, “I feel that the only thing that can make people feel an immediate sense of bliss the moment they lay eyes on it is a plate of meat.”
Finally, I managed to recuperate after an entire winter. As I had scratched the wounds, there were some scars on my calf. When I wore shorts in summer, my friends noticed the scars and inquired about what had happened.
I glanced at Taehyung, and told them in a pitiful tone, “Because I wasn’t obedient, I was punished with domestic violence.”
He was stunned momentarily before putting on a straight face and retorting, “Didn’t I warn you not to tell anybody? I’m going to punish you again when we reach home.”
Hahahaha I didn’t manage to keep in my laughter and immediately burst out in awkward laughing.
~ 2 ~
On the day when Taehyung and I held our wedding ceremony, he was forced to drink a pretty large amount of alcohol – mainly because he kept shielding me from the excessive drinks. As a result, he had to drink all the drinks that were originally meant for me.
When we went around giving our toasts, he held my hand extremely tightly. I laughed at him, asking whether he was worried that I would run.
He nodded his head seriously, and told me that of course he was worried as it wasn’t easy for him to finally ‘catch me’. I told him not to worry as I wouldn’t run – not unless Agustd came to disrupt the marriage.
Subsequently, when this guy had too much to drink, his icy image was entirely changed. With a glass of alcohol in his hand, he slurred, “I’m tremendously happy today… why this glass is spinning… Is there anybody who can help me pass a few words?... I’m extremely, extremely grateful to RM and J-Hope– you two must enjoy a very good relationship with Agustd…”
The people seated around him, including me, all burst into laughter.
~ 3 ~
A few days before my wedding, my best friends conducted a bachelorette party for me. Taehyung frequently ticked me off for transforming into a lunatic whenever there’s a crowd – and rightfully so. Whenever a huge bunch of good friends is gathered together, I’d be especially excited. Once I start getting excited, I’d always look for beer and other forms of alcohol. If I recall correctly, I was constantly toasting everybody that night – regardless of whether it was red wine, beer, cocktails, or champagne, I drank all of them indiscriminately. At long last, I predictably collapsed and passed out.
The next day, I drifted in and out of sleep before finally waking up at 5:00 PM. When I got up, I asked Taehyung, “Did I drink too much yesterday?”
He nodded his head.
“I… I wasn’t embarrassing, was I?”
He replied, “It’s too painful to recall.”
“What did I do?”
“You grabbed the microphone and hollered at the service staff, asking them to bring their prettiest ladies to your room. You also forced everyone to praise your beauty, and you even apologized to Agustd’s picture, telling him that you’d definitely marry him first in your next lifetime…”
I buried my head in the pillow, having absolutely no confidence to continue listening to Taehyung.
“But the most embarrassing person isn’t you, it’s Seokjin hyung.”
“Since when you called him ‘Hyung’?” I asked.
“Since the day our marriage date fixed”, he replied, “Though sometimes my past habit to call him by his name returns”.
“Okay, forgot that, What embarrassment?!”
“We expended huge amounts of effort to coax you to return home. However, you suddenly hugged him and started wailing.”
“Why?”
“You kept apologizing to him whilst crying, and told him that even though the man you loved the most in the past was him, you are unable to love him anymore from this point forth.”
Taehyung suppressed his laughter, continuing, “Seokjin Hyung kept trying to explain to the people surrounding us that he’s your blood-related brother, but it only made the people staring at us look at him even more strangely…”
~ 4 ~
Taehyung has many distant relatives, from where he got a genius young brother who is way too mature for his age. Every single time I see him, a picture of a cute baby Koala immediately pops up in my mind, inciting in me an irresistible urge to play a prank on him. “I heard that you placed the Mission of Oxford University at the top of your bed?”
The little genius replied, “I have now changed it.”
“Not planning to go abroad anymore?”
The little genius replied extremely sternly, “The water quality abroad isn’t very good; long periods of stay will result in a greater propensity of balding.”
I silently glanced at Taehyung.
The little genius took this opportunity to confess to his favorite person whom he idolizes, “But I still really like Taetae hyung’s school.”
Taehyung patted the head of the little genius, commenting that he had great taste.
“My mom said that it is extremely difficult to enter Taetae hyung’s field of study.”
I teased him, “It’s not really that difficult, what’s more, important is your looks.”
The little genius was incredulous, “You’re lying!”
I replied seriously, “There’d be an interview, and the Professors basically select those whom they think is good looking.”
“Is this really true?!”
“Of course Joonie, this is true.”
The little genius’s view of the world was experiencing a great upheaval, and he turned to Taehyung with tears in his eyes, “Is it really all dependent on looks?”
Taehyung paused momentarily before saying, “Not entirely.”
He continued, without a change in expression, “Sometimes it also depends on who wins rock-paper-scissors.”
……
Taehyung has truly been led astray by me in recent times – Ah, he used to be such an upright (boring) person.
~ 5 ~
I have a strange habit – every single time I go to the toilet, I must have a book in hand. Taehyung often ridicules me, “After graduating, the place where you receive your education has changed to the toilet bowl.”
There was once I forgot to take a book along with me due to the urgent nature of my ‘business’; as a result, I took the shampoo bottle and read the instructions line by line, until I finished reading the instructions.
When I came out, I asked him whether it was possible to put a bookshelf next to the toilet bowl.
He rolled his eyes at me. “Never.”
“Who said that a bookshelf can’t be placed in the toilet anyway?”
“I did.”
“There’s absolutely no room for discussion?”
“None.”
Suddenly, an idea struck me, and I told him, “I thought of a perfect solution.”
He smirked coldly, “If you’re thinking of saying that you would simply place a toilet bowl in the study room should I refuse to agree to your suggestion, then you can forget about it.”
He slowly added, “The sneaky ideas that you’re thinking of right now – I can detect them from two streets away.”
Enraged, I could only swallow my words in anger.
I couldn’t believe that he actually managed to guess correctly…...
~ 6 ~
Last week, I accompanied Taehyung to his company’s dinner. As the Big Boss from his Company was in attendance, I didn’t dare to make any rash moves and was on my best behavior the entire time.
Somehow, the Big Boss knew that I had enrolled in the Hangul field of study at my university, and asked me to create a reading list for his daughter.
“The books my daughter reads are all about males and females who do nothing but fall in love with each other – don’t they ever need to work? Don’t they ever face any societal pressure? It’s absolutely ridiculous.”
I agreed meekly, lying through my teeth, “The books I usually read comprise of extremely profound literature.”
I then proceeded to discuss the style of writing and the distinguishing features of books written in the early times with the Big Boss.
As a result, during the dinner, I felt as though I had returned to my time at University when I was answering questions about my thesis during my presentation.
On my way back home, I expressed my thoughts to Taehyung, “Your boss is an extremely difficult character to entertain.”
“His grandfather is XXX.”
I inhaled a sharp breath – that person was a celebrated literary icon! When I was young, I was even forced to memorize his essays!
“Then my performance during the dinner – wasn’t it just me showcasing my incompetence in front of the real expert?!”
“Not exactly, but… ‘The books I usually read comprise of extremely profound literature’? I wonder who was the one who stayed up the whole of last night to read fanfictions?”
I replied calmly without flinching, “I have no idea, maybe it’s your mistress?”
~ 7 ~
Taehyung’s moniker in our house is Mr. Fortune Teller because he is always able to predict everything extremely accurately. When I was due to go to Ilsan to attend my friend’s wedding, I decided to book the 7 AM flight ticket due to its cheap price. Taehyung was away on a business trip then, and when he heard about my decision he expressed his disbelief in my ability to board the flight on time.
“A 7 AM flight means that you’d have to leave the house at 5 AM. Are you sure you’d be able to wake up?”
I was extremely confident, “Don’t worry, there won’t be any problems!”
In the end, on the night before the flight, I had to work overtime till 2 AM.
At the dawn, I received a call from Taehyung, “It’s time to wake up.”
Me: “It’s only 4:30 AM…”
“You stayed up last night?”
“Stop talking, I need to treasure my sleep – I can sleep for at least 10 more minutes…”
I hung up in a daze, and when I re-opened my eyes, it was already 7:30 AM. I called Taehyung in my despair.
“I woke up late.”
“I know.”
“Let me try to postpone my flight…”
“I already helped you to postpone your flight. Your plane is due for take-off at 9:45 AM. If the road to the airport isn’t congested, you’d be able to reach it in thirty minutes, so now that you’ve woken up you still have time for breakfast.
P.S. I knew this would happen from the start.”
Me: “Mr. Fortune Teller, please allow me to bow to you!!!”
~ 8 ~
One day before we fell asleep, I inquired, “What do you like about me?”
He opened his mouth and rattled off instantly, “You’re kind, understanding, interesting, and independent. Moreover, you have good character and taste.”
“What else?”
“You’re pretty.”
Full marks! I praised him for honesty and pecked him on the cheek before turning the lights off.
I *ed awake in the middle of the night. That’s not right, whoever he’s describing – it’s definitely not me! Does he have another wife outside?!
~ 9 ~
As his job frequently requires him to take extended business trips, he often worries about me staying at home alone. Once, while I was in the midst of helping him pack his luggage, he suddenly asked me, rather childishly, to accompany him on his trip.
I refused.
As his flight was an early flight, he was already gone when I awoke in the morning. I rose from the bed and made my way to the kitchen in a daze. Whilst drinking a cup of water, I noticed a sticky note placed on the refrigerator. I took a step closer, and saw his hasty scribble:
"Do not open the door for strangers."
Surprised, I spat the water out of my mouth and called him with a thunderous expression.
“Do you think I’m still a three-year-old kid?”
“It’d be great if you were a three-year-old kid; only then would I be able to bring you along wherever I go.”
I love collecting postcards; thus, every time he visits someplace new he would always sends a postcard back to me.
Before long, I managed to collect a sizable number of postcards. However, the postcards were all addressed to the following people: Park Seo Joon, Choi Woo Shik, and Park Hyung-Sik.
Once again, I called him with a thunderous expression etched on my face. He retorted back in a righteous tone, “This is so that the mailmen would know that there’s a man at home.”
After a few days, when I purchased something online, I received a call from the delivery man who was requesting Kwon Sung-hwan.
Ah, as expected, this person had also changed the name of the recipient of my purchases.
Mr. Kim Taehyung, have you ever considered that letting others know that different males commonly frequent the home would be more dangerous?
~ 10 ~
We had a quarrel over a minor matter one night. When it was time for bed, we lay down on the bed side by side, both choosing to ignore each other. He had to wake up at 4 AM the next day as he had a morning flight. As I couldn’t fall asleep, I heard the alarm clock ring once – very briefly – before he quickly turned off the alarm. He didn’t turn on the lights, and simply tip-toed out of the room with his clothes in his arms.
I had previously wondered why I never ever detected any movement when he left. The person who chose to quarrel with me was him, but the person who chose to tiptoe blindly in the dark and change outside so as to ensure that I had an undisturbed sleep was also him.
~ 11 ~
I loved to eat fruits, especially strawberries. As I was craving strawberries recently, I went to the supermarket and purchased 1 kg worth of strawberries with the intention of eating them whilst watching my television programs.
The moment I returned home, I instantly cleaned the strawberries and placed them in a new bowl. Just as I was bringing the bowl to the living room, the telephone rang. I conveniently passed the bowl of strawberries to Taehyung and went to the bedroom to answer the call.
By the time I returned to the living room, the bowl was empty.
I flew into a rage, “Who said you could eat my strawberries!!!”
“Weren’t they meant for me?”
“It’s mine!!! You’re only allowed three strawberries at most!!” As I had just talked about the severing of friendships with my friend over the phone, I retorted immediately, “Goodbye, our ten years of our friendship have come to an end.”
He commented sarcastically, “I never ever knew that our relationship couldn’t be compared to 1kg of strawberries.” The next day, after Taehyung ended work, he brought a huge bag of strawberries home. I immediately lit up in delight and thought in my heart that this person truly understands me.
At night after dinner, I saw him slowly bring out a huge bowl of strawberries, sit himself down on the sofa, in front of the tv, and… started to eat the entire bowl of strawberries all by himself…
I tried to repress my cravings but to no avail. Finally, I caved in and reached out my hand, saying, “I want some too.”
He acted as though he had just noticed me, with an expression of surprise slowly forming on his face, before meticulously and slowly picking out three strawberries from his huge bowl and handing them to me.
I was bewildered. He took his time, explaining leisurely, “Our relationship is only worth three strawberries.”
I was momentarily stunned before coming to my senses – Kim Taehyung, do your colleagues know exactly how childish you are?!
~ 12 ~
Taehyung is actually very well-versed in the art of coaxing me into a good mood. One of the many instances evidencing this ability is as follows. Yesterday, I told him, “Actually, I’m terribly easy to get along with – I don’t use your credit cards, and I don’t purchase luxury bags. As long as you do your best to praise me, I’ll be satisfied. See, isn’t it a wise decision to marry me?”
He interrupted me firmly, “No, I’m only together with you because of your outer appearance. If you were an ugly old hag, I would have divorced you a long time ago.”
I was instantly sent to Cloud Nine, and immediately replied, “My dearest hubby, let me know what you wish to have for dinner tonight – I’ll fulfill all your requests!”
~ 13 ~
Since he usually scolds me by calling me dummy, I have somehow grown to accept this nickname.
Once, we were late for our date with a mutual friend. Despite circling the car park a couple of times, we were still unable to find a parking lot. Just when I was getting anxious, I spotted a free parking lot ahead. I rushed him immediately, “Hurry!! There’s one right there!”
“That’s for the disabled.”
I instantly retorted, “No worries! I’m mentally disabled!”
Even I myself was stunned by what I said. He simply sprawled onto the steering wheel while wiping the tears from his eyes.
~ 14 ~
I wanted to go on a date with him; thus, when I noted his good mood, I instantly capitalized on the opportunity and asked him coyly, “Hubbyyyy, do you know what day it is today?”
As he was in truly high spirits, he was extremely cooperative, “What day is it?”
I replied, “Today is the 587th day of our marriage!”
“So?”
I smiled flatteringly, “Shouldn’t you express some appreciation?”
He rolled his eyes at me, “Only people who rear pigs would record the number of days that have passed subsequent to breeding.”
Rendered speechless, I sat at the side and sulked.
Suppressing his laughter, he asked, “What do you want? You can just tell me directly.”
I replied, “Tsk~ Who cares about your present?”
“Come on, just treat it as a celebration for me.”
I asked grudgingly, “What are we celebrating?”
“Celebrating the 587th day of my successful pig rearing.”
He patted my head by showing his heart-fluttering boxy smile.
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A/N: Hello guys, I'm back. So, New updates for you all, hope you'll enjoy it..............