~ 1 ~
Lee Hyun-Joo is presently working at a publishing company and bears the burden of looking through innumerable scripts and drafts every single day. Whenever she experiences a mental breakdown after having looked at one too many scripts, she would immediately begin to whine to me.
Lee Hyun-Joo: So boring……
Me: Don’t you need to edit your drafts?
Lee Hyun-Joo: The drafts are all terribly boring – they’re all just varying forms of how the domineering president of a company falls in love with the female lead.
Me: But the readers love these types of books.
Lee Hyun-Joo: In actuality, I’m sure the readers are already tired of these types of novels. These writers ought to write something different and fresh!
Me: The Contract Lover of the Cold and Cruel Construction Contractor?
Lee Hyun-Joo: Hahahaha that’s a good one!
Me: How about The Domineering Factory Director Falls In Love With Me?
Lee Hyun-Joo: Rebirth: Falling In Love With the Workshop Director.
Me: First Marriage Then Love: The Obstinate Wife of the Farmer.
Lee Hyun-Joo immediately produced a synopsis for the novel: ‘He was handsome and wealthy, profligate and unrestrained – he was a man who controlled the entire village’s production line in his hands! She caught his eye at the trade fair that displayed the various farming products from the nearby villages; from that moment onwards, the powerful man capable of summoning the wind and rain in the Village only wished to protect and care for her. He gave her the limited-edition Colman’s tractor that thousands of farmers desired, and willingly splurged thousands of dollars in order to see her smile. He brought her to various farms to watch the farmers harvest, just so that she would be able to recall the past that she had with him. When she ran away, he chased after her – both of them were trapped. She was like his poison, a disease that has set into his bones.
“Baek Yeonshin, even if you manage to rob me of my body, you will never be able to rob my heart!”
The man’s eyes were as dark as the night. His thin lips were extremely close to hers, "Yeonhwa, I don’t mind engaging in a taboo game with you……”
She closed her eyes, a single tear falling from her eyes. On the clean white bed, a white lotus bloomed.’
After a few days had passed, Lee Hyun-Joo hollered for me in a loving manner once more. This time, she simply sent me a screenshot: ‘Angered, the Second Prince had snatched the bow from the hands of the guard next to him within the blink of an eye. As the arrow found its way into the Fourth Prince’s heart, the sound of thunder pierced the silence that had descended upon us. As I saw the Fourth Prince fall off his horse, I felt as though that arrow had pierced into my very own heart. My beautiful face was splatted with droplets of blood. As I gazed at the Fourth Prince who had collapsed in a pool of blood, my face turned ghostly white, and my whole body trembled in fear. I let out a piercing scream, “No!!!!!!!”’
Me: “Is there a problem?”
Lee Hyun-Joo: “Why do female leads always say no whenever they experience a mental breakdown?”
Me: “What do you suggest the female leads say then?”
Lee Hyun-Joo: “Usually, whenever I experience a mental breakdown, the words that immediately come out from my mouth are ‘Omo’ or ‘F**k!’”
Me: “That’s why you’re never the female lead!”
~ 2 ~
Lee Hyun-Joo hollering for me in a loving manner Part 2.
Lee Hyun-Joo: Are you there?
Me: Yes.
Lee Hyun-Joo: I just received a draft that concerns a story set in the pugilist world. In the story, the female lead sets up a sect called the Cecum School.
Me: Is there a problem?
Lee Hyun-Joo: As I thought the term ‘cecum’ looked oddly familiar, I went ahead to check the dictionary, only to find that Cecum is a medical term that refers to a body part that joins the big intestine to the small intestine!! Does this school serve as a specialized hospital curing problematic anuses and intestines?
~ 3 ~
Lee Hyun-Joo hollering for me in a loving manner Part 3.
Lee Hyun-Joo: This draft is too creepy and eerie!! It’s set in post-imperial Korea, and the male lead is the husband of the female lead’s sister. The male lead ridiculously falls in love with the female lead, and proceeds to ridiculously ditch his spouse, but not before forcing his spouse to undergo an abortion. The female lead, now the rightful spouse of the male lead, attempts to commit suicide all day. Although she feels guilty towards her sister, she continues flirting with the male lead. What kind of ridiculous and crazy storyline is this?! Both the male lead and female lead should just die together – stop being a menace to society!! Ah, truly – the bi*** and the bas**** are so compatible, I bet they’ll live a long life together!!
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Lee Hyun-Joo: I have finally come to a decision! I’m going to become an author and write a book myself. The book will concentrate on the editor of various drafts who edited drafts to the point where she vomited blood and died. And when she re-opened her eyes, the editor suddenly found herself transported into the world of romance stories! The editor then ambitiously and courageously set up an underground organization that specializes in assassinating disgusting couples who only care about themselves and their relationship whilst disregarding the rest of the world. I even thought of a title for the book – it will be called Kill All Those Mary Sues!!!!
~ 4 ~
I set up a group chat and titled it The Youthful Girls Who Would Never Age (절대 늙지 않을 어린 소녀들), and dragged all my best friends into the chat group where we exchanged gossip and other news every single day. Previously, a certain celebrity had been caught visiting prostitutes. Upon hearing such news, the youthful girls immediately commenced an enthusiastic and energetic discussion.
Choi Eun-Yeong: Oh my god, doesn’t he specialize in acting upright and good guys? I can’t believe he went to visit a prostitute!
Nini: How gross.
Me: It doesn’t matter who it is – those who visit prostitutes are truly unforgivable.
Goddess Ruby: Actually, the main reason why he’s suffering from so much backlash is simply because he’s not good-looking enough.
Nini: What?! Just because someone is handsome doesn’t mean he ought to be forgiven for visiting a prostitute!
Goddess Ruby: Just imagine this. What if the actor who had been caught was your favorite Mr. Lee……
Nini (immediately changing her tune): If that happens, he must have been framed!
Me: If Nini’s favorite actor was caught visiting a prostitute, it must be because he was trying harder to get into the mindset of a certain character he was responsible for acting! He’s truly a great actor!
Nini: If he was the one who got caught, I’d visit the jail every single day in order to deliver delicious meals to him.
Choi Eun-Yeong: Ah, the prostitute serving him must be in seventh heaven! Ah, Mr. Lee! Please come look for me if you ever need a prostitute!!!
Goddess Ruby: You guys……where did your morals go……
~ 5 ~
Today’s discussion topic: What do women hate the most?
Lee Hyun-Joo: When the dress that you’ve been eyeing on Online mart got snatched away by another person whilst you were debating internally over whether you ought to make the purchase, and it turned out to be the last piece.
Me: That’s right!! When that happened to me I felt that life was no longer worth living!!
Choi Eun-Yeong: Ah, every single time I shop on Online mart I would always hesitate over making a purchase for an extended period of time. There’s only one situation where I’d pay up with no hesitation: When there is only one last piece left.
Nini: I hate men who go back on their words!!
Me (smelling the whiff of gossip): What’s up with your husband?
Nini: He promised me that we would go on a holiday during the year-end break. As preparation, we even made an itinerary that is at least 10 pages along! In the end, this fellow canceled on me at the very last minute. He lied to me, claiming that a problem had cropped up in his family, but I found out that he had actually accompanied his friend to the hospital!
Lee Hyun-Joo: Hospital? What happened to his friend? Is his friend male or female? It wouldn’t be a... Maternity Hospital right……
Nini: Haa!! Would he have the guts to cheat on me? This fellow went to a Plastic Surgery hospital! He was accompanying his friend who was going to undergo double eyelid surgery!!
Me: Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha.
Nini: Isn’t it crazy? A man who’s nearing his thirties suddenly decides to go for double eyelid surgery, all because he consulted an extremely prominent face reader who claimed that his single eyelid had been preventing him from making a huge fortune!
Choi Eun-Yeong: I bet the prominent face reader had hooked up with the Plastic Surgery hospital hahahahahaha.
Lee Hyun-Joo: Which Plastic Surgery hospital did he go to? Did his double eyelids turn out well? How long would the swell take to decrease? How much did it cost?
Nini: You are focusing on the wrong thing…
Goddess Ruby: Actually, all of you are wrong – the Top 1 thing that females hate the most must be the ex-girlfriend of their present boyfriends.
Nini, Eun-Yeong, Hyun-Joo: (chorusing in agreement) That’s right!!!!!
Lee Hyun-Joo: The single thing that is most hateful in the entire world is the ex-girlfriend who refuses to cut off contact and maintains an ambiguous relationship with one’s boyfriend!
Nini: My husband’s ex-girlfriend sent him a text message at 3 AM in the morning after we had been married for a few months. She complained that she had been feeling miserable recently, and as a result, she was suffering from insomnia.
Lee Hyun-Joo: What did your husband say in reply?
Nini: My Jackie... simply threw the phone at me. I replied to her with four short words: None of my business...
~ 6 ~
When Choi Eun-Yeong was still schooling in the past, she often borrowed romance novels from the book rental shop in order to pass the time. In the past, there would always be a book rental shop located near every school compound with innumerable Taiwanese romance novels stacked on the shelves. Subsequently, when we entered University, owning a computer became the norm. Thus, Eun-Yeong transited to downloading novels from the Internet, and successfully accumulated 2 GB worth of text files on her computer, all kept in a folder called Text Library.
One day, I accidentally discovered that our Eun-Yeong had started writing novels as well! When I asked her why she had started writing novels, she replied, “I left a message on the Internet for an author whose book I was reading, telling her that the second male lead shouldn’t have done what he did. I even offered my input with regard to what the second male lead should be like, what the male and female lead should be like, and what their daughter should be like……In the end, the author didn’t appreciate my input, and simply told me to ‘shut up', and ‘you can put your own story up’. I was so mad, I thought that that’s precisely what I would do – I would ‘up’ for her to see!”
That’s how Eun-Yeong embarked on her journey to become a successful Internet novelist. Being such tight-knit friends, our entire dorm expressed our full support for her. On the first day, she was due to begin drafting the first chapter, our Eun-Yeong requested for the entire dorm to pitch in and treat her to an extravagant meal. When we returned to our dorm after the meal, our Eun-Yeong bathed changed into a comfortable set of clothes, and sat in front of her computer. The rest of us became extremely quiet, as we were worried about interrupting the author’s thought process.
Before long, we discovered that this fellow was watching variety shows.
Angered, I chided her, “Choi Eun-Yeong! I thought you were supposed to be writing your very first chapter?!”
“I’m looking for inspiration, I’ll definitely start writing after I finish watching the first episode.”
Alright then.
After she finished her variety show, she started surfing Online marts.
“Eun-Yeong! I thought you were supposed to be writing your very first chapter?!”
“I decided to finish spending all the money I have left in my bank account before writing my first chapter – I’m burning my bridges so I have no retreat!”
Alright then.
After she finished shopping on Online mart, she crawled onto her bed and prepared to sleep.
“Eun-Yeong! I thought you were supposed to be writing your very first chapter?!”
“I’ll sleep earlier tonight so that I would be able to wake up early in the morning and start writing my novel.”
Of course, our dear Choi Eun-Yeong slept in till noon the very next day.
During the entire four years when we were in University, Eun-Yeong didn’t manage to produce a single book. That said, word somehow still managed to spread to Choi Eun-Yeong's mom, who then began telling every single person she met that her daughter was majoring in Korean Language and was presently an author.
People would then answer by praising her daughter and inquiring which books her daughter had written so that they would be able to purchase those books. In response to their queries, Eun-Yeong's mom would reply in a secretive tone, “My daughter’s extremely low-key, and refused to tell me which books she had written. Thus, although I told you about this secret, don’t go around spreading it either. I’m worried she would be unhappy about it.”
In the four years that I was enrolled in University, Eun-Yeong managed to cheat me out of innumerable meals. As a result, I managed to learn her trickery skills in its totality. Thus, when it finally became my turn to author a book, the following situations frequently occurred in my home:
Taehyung: “Are you going to continue writing your book tonight?”
“Yes I am, but I’m really hungry right now.”
“What do you want to eat?”
“Spicy Chilly Rameyon.”
“Who eats spicy chilly rameyon at night??”
“But I will only have the requisite amount of energy to churn out my drafts when I’m full! In addition, I would definitely be required to stay up tonight.”
“Alright.” Taehyung relented and brought me out to eat spicy chilly rameyon in the middle of the night. I ate till my tummy was bursting, and crawled onto the bed the minute I reached home.
“Aren’t you planning to stay up tonight?”
“Aiya, it’s too late tonight. I’ll sleep earlier tonight so that I would be able to wake up early in the morning and continue writing my novel.”
Of course, I only managed to drag myself out of bed at noon the very next day.
A certain person gnashed his teeth angrily, “I’m never going to believe your nonsensical words in the future!”
~ 7 ~
Recently, a lady left me a message on Naver, of which the contents were mostly praising Taehyung. When she neared the end of her message, the lady added that I was a “female as strong as the Eiffel Tower”.
I immediately proceeded to convey the main points of the message to Taehyung whilst leaving out the portion praising him. Having heard my speech, he asked me in an extremely serious tone, “When she said that you’re like an Eiffel Tower…… Is it because of your weight?”
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!! It’s because I’m strong, dammit!
~ 8 ~
I decided to dispense some advice on Naver: ‘Even though I’m proudly showing off my romantic relationship every single day on Naver notes, one’s life cannot only consist of romance. Romance is the icing on the cake in one’s life, but it will not be a life-saving straw that saves people from drowning. Besides being youthful and loved by men, it is more important for females to expend huge amounts of effort in studying, and continuously improving themselves. With an increased amount of knowledge and greater warmth and gentleness, one would be able to successfully increase one’s self-worth and build up one’s confidence. Look at the bigger picture – the world is greater than you think it is. You should aspire to travel the world and grow together with your partner, instead of seeking warmth from each other whilst struggling to survive.’
After I posted my highly mature thoughts, I felt extremely proud of my clear thought process and high intelligence. Thus, I proudly recited the passage to Taehyung.
When Taehyung heard it, he stroked his chin in dissatisfaction, “Ah, so I’m only the icing on the cake……”
~ 9 ~
A certain person is extremely dissatisfied with many other issues. For instance, this fellow has showcased his strong refusal to read the book that I had written, on the ground that I was excessively dramatic. However, this fellow was simply unable to repress his bursting curiosity – thus, whenever I faced the computer and started typing words in a frenzy, he would pass by with a cup of tea before sitting down beside me in a seemingly unconcerned fashion.
There were several occasions when I burst into laughter after having written a hilarious passage. During such times, Taehyung would immediately put on a disdainful expression and ask, “What are you laughing at?”
Me: “I suddenly thought of the first time we became desk mates. That day, I suddenly ran to the seat beside you and sat myself down. As you were listening to music, I tried to break the ice by asking what you were listening to. You put on a straight face and told me that you were listening to Hope world– and all this while, you had an extremely disdainful expression on your face.”
Him: “I said ‘The Coldplay’.”
Me: “It’s all the same.”
Him: “It’s not the same! You must be detailed and careful when you’re writing.”
Me: “Yes yes yes.”
Him: “’ At 15, we used the same class desk…’ This is wrong – since we started school in September, you were already 16 then.”
Me: “……”
Yesterday, having taken a glance at my table of contents, Taehyung became extremely dissatisfied.
“Why is it that, in a book written about me, the phrase ‘my dearest’ is only used for Lee Hyun-Joo?”
“Don’t be so conceited – whoever said that this book is written about you?”
“Are you saying that the book isn’t about me?”
“It’s about my youth.”
“But isn’t your youth about me?”
I was at a loss of words.
[*Note - The Mary Sue is an original female character in a fanfic who obviously invented by the author, and she is so perfect as to be so much annoying]
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A/N - Enjoy the chapter guys... But by the way, has anyone identified who is Nini's Jackie? If anyone is able... then please let me know in the comment section...