• I was at studio since dawn, trying to get rid of all my accumulated emotions, but despite several hours of non-stop training and the repetition of countless choreographies, I still didn't feel better. I spent a nice weekend with my beloved, but contrary to what I assumed, the end of it was not a relaxing one. Y/n once again surprised me by trying to seduce me, and this time I was so close to breaking the rules that it seriously disturbed me. Even now, when I closed my eyes I could see her beautiful body, her lips gently parted and her hair scattered on the pillow. I could smell her scent, feel the sweet taste of her lips and feel her velvety skin under my hands. I could imagine her wrapping her legs around me again and pulling me as close to her as possible, letting me do whatever I wanted with her. I opened my eyes and hurled the water bottle held in my hand furiously against the floor. I walked quickly to the window and opened it wide, hoping to cool off at least a little.
• - Jimin, are you all right? - I heard Hobie's concerned voice and turned quickly toward him.
• - Other than the fact that I'm starting to act like a horny teenager, yes, everything is alright - I snickered quietly and sat down on the floor - I'm slowly getting fed up with it all.
• - The weekend did not go well?
• - It went well, but... the end of it was not so successful, at least not for Y/n.
• - Why do you think so?
• - Because she wanted to go to bed with me, and I had to refuse her.
• - Why? After all, you slept together more than once, so....
• - Hoseok, it wasn't about sleeping in the same bed but about sex, do you understand? - I explained to him quickly - Y/n planned an intoxicating night for us, and once again I had to stop everything. Once again I had to lock myself in the shower to take care of a burning problem that could make me break the rules.
• - Oh hell, she was probably disappointed - he guessed.
• - And very much so. She tried to hide it, but I know her well enough by now to know that she felt upset, and she's not the only one - I sighed heavily - Every time I have to back off because I'm afraid I won't control myself, I feel really bad about it. Because of foolish rules, I hurt the woman I love, but at the same time I know I have no other choice. Even though Y/n will soon be one of us I can't tell her the truth to avoid putting her in danger.
• - Maybe try to accelerate the date of the wedding - suggested Hoseok - maybe this will make it easier for you to hold out until the wedding night?
• - You know very well that the Citadel would have to agree to this, and that is very unlikely. I guessed that because the world has changed so much and some values have completely lost their meaning it would be harder for me not to break the rules, but... I didn't think it would be so difficult, and for the first time I regret being an angel. Demons have it much easier in this case.
• - Jimin, how can you think like that?!
• - If you were in my place, you would think that way too - I laughed bitterly - I've been in love with the same woman for centuries, I've been able to control myself many times and wait until that right moment to perform the ritual of awakening with her. I've done it with her more than once, but never before have I desired her so much as I do now, do you understand? I've seen her many times wearing only lingerie or a bathing suit, I'm able to sleep in the same bed with her, cuddle and kiss her... but when we're close to each other I'm literally panic-stricken by the moment when she tries to take something off herself or me, because I'm well aware that I won't be able to control myself anymore then. My strong will that I've been proud of for ages crumbles the moment I feel her hands slip under my clothes and slide over my body. I am losing it when I see that she is ready to give herself to me, and with the last of my strength I have to push her away, once again causing her pain by doing so.
• - I didn't think it was so difficult for you - he looked at me sympathetically - Have you talked to Joon about it? Maybe he can find a solution.
• - Many times and we even tried to find some spell that would help me strengthen my strong will, but we found nothing. Anyway, Joon suspects that in this incarnation, the demonic part of Y/n's soul is extremely dominant in her body, which is why I want her so much. After all, forbidden fruit tastes best.
• - And we all assumed that her painful past would make her more withdrawn and you'd have to spend a lot of time trying to convince her to be close. Who would have thought we would be so wrong.
• - The worst part of all this is also that Y/n has really big complexes and denies most of my compliments. She constantly compares herself to other women and envies them, thinking that she is much less than them and doesn't see that they are the ones who envy her. She completely misses the fact that when she enters a room full of people, everyone's attention is focused on her. Women want to look like her, and men want to have her, but her self-esteem is still so low that it's starting to seriously worry me.
• - That's why you're also so worried about rejecting her - he nodded with understanding - You're right, it's really a stalemate. The best way out would be to tell her the truth about who she is and what's in store for her.
• - I thought about it, but you know very well yourself that I can't do it. The moment Y/n learns the truth about herself the demons will be able to track her down, and we both know very well that then we will have even bigger problems than we have now. If there really is a demon dominating Y/n's body now, she will be drawn to Seokjin much more than to me. Besides, we've been through this several times before, not to mention that after the ritual I will once again have to try to keep her alive. If I at least knew what was wrong and why she was dying, it would be easier for me, but I still have the thought in my head that I'm going to lose her again.
• - You won't lose her, you hear? - Hoseok squeezed my shoulder lightly - we will think of something and this time Y/n will finally be immortal. And as for the appearance of demons, don't forget that we now have Taehyung. He's doing better and better, and I can bet that with him by our side we'll be able to face them and eventually defeat them. Focus now on Y/n and on making her feel loved, and leave the rest for us. Namjoon and I will take care of everything.
• - I'd like to believe you, but... - I paused, looking at him uncertainly - help me, because if I lose her again, I'm afraid that this time I won't be able to recover from it.
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