I was about, what? Fifteen, sixteen years old when I managed to pass the auditions for the K-Pop agency Dream Life Entertainment.
But I was only let in because of my dance skills. And the CEO Kim Hwa-min was the one to do so. And I’ve never felt so appreciated in my life. And the Mr. Hwa-min was one of those people.
But my dance teacher was even kinder. How I had to do the auditions was pretty hectic, even for a foreigner like me.
I had to learn difficult dances, and I had to memorize song lyrics that were in Korean.
It was while I was practicing the choreography for "Boy With Luv" by BTS when my mother suddenly walked in. She looked proud of me as she saw my flawless moves.
MumI take it that you are practicing?
she asked
Y/NWell…you can’t do a monologue for these things.
I replied
At the same time, I believe Jake Shim was still living his life as a normal teenager. But, we’re not at that part yet. He only comes in by the time I’m in I-LAND.
But anyways, as I kept practicing, I felt as if I was getting better and better. But that was only for me. I didn’t know if the agency thought so either.
I arrived at the agency at five in the morning. I know it’s too early, but it’s okay. I could handle it. I thought of it as a miracle, when they let me in. But that day changed almost absolutely everything. When Kim Hwa-min entered the practice room.
He said:
CEO Hwa-minLadies, since our usual dance teacher was in a freak accident, we now have a new one to take her place. Please welcome my younger cousin, Shim Tae-woo. But as your usual was laying in the hospital, she said on the phone that she was flooded with so many memories.
Tae-wooOh boy! This is a snooze fest!
*overlapping voices until Hwa-min is out of the room*
I felt nothing but terrified. All I could do at that moment was obey that horrid woman’s orders. But we all knew that that wasn’t going to happen with me.
At first, everything went the normal way. There were barely ANY expectations whatsoever from that teacher. And to me…that was quite a great thing to see. But after a while, it got insane.
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It wasn’t always a good thing to get scolded by someone you barely know, especially if that someone is your trainee dancing teacher.
One day, as usual, I woke up at five in the morning. My mummy was concerned about my waking up schedule.
MumI can’t believe you have to wake yourself up at four or five in the morning, the time you would usually sleep in!
she would say.
But I would reply:
Y/NMummy, dearest, that is when my training begins. If I don’t get up early, Miss Tae-woo will think I’m lazy!
Y/NLuckily, I made it to the agency fashionably on time. No one, but my good friend Kanade Nishimura, was there. She gave me a smile and waved.
Luckily, I made it to the agency fashionably on time. No one, but my good friend Kanade Nishimura, was there. She gave me a smile and waved.
Kanade NishimuraSurprising you’re here! Most of the time you would show up once dance classes start.
Y/NI know! I mean, it’s quite weird that I would arrive earlier than usual.
I replied.
More of our fellow trainee members arrived. And soon enough, all 25 of us were here. The strangest thing is that there were twelve of us that were actually English-speaking foreigners.
To my satisfaction, I felt secure. Now it was just Tae-woo(shi) we had to deal with.
To my dissatisfaction, all Miss Tae-woo did was scold, or yell at us, whenever one of us did something wrong.
But one day must have been a ticking time-bomb for her.
It was while we were in our trainee days when we were learning a specific dance move. I tried to copy like everybody else. But Tae-woo would always target me. I hated that!
She was watching me turn my hips and move my legs and then she snapped:
Tae-wooNo, no! You have to turn like this! Try again!
I tried again. She still was not pleased. I tried it over and over again, until she gave up on me.
The other moves I learned were simple and flexing, but that specific move was quite tricky, and it gave me a hard time.
I’m mostly that kind of person that is celebrated when I do something that is appreciated or something that everyone would agree on.
But along with that praise and protection, I am also scolded a lot. Most of the time, I’d be pretty used to it. But on days like that one…it would just knock me to the ground with a painful thud.
But this is what trainees like me had to go through. Sweat beads on your head and tears in your eyes. It’s like being harshly trained in P.E or even in the military.
I don’t think being a trainee is difficult, but it can be challenging to your mental health.
In the afternoon, I had to stay behind after training. Tae-woo(shi) had said so. Kanade was the only one who stayed and waited for me. I would never forget what that wretched woman had said to me.
Tae-wooI had told you this WAY too many times. You think that turning your hips twice is enough?!
Y/NYour dancing skills are in danger! How are you going to survive evaluation upcoming in a few months?!
Tae-wooYour dancing skills are in danger! How are you going to survive evaluation upcoming in a few months?!
Tae-wooDon’t you dare respond!! You will SPEAK when you are SPOKEN TOO!!
I nodded my head after that. I walked out, losing my emotional control. I went to the playground of my apartment and I let out a sigh.
Eventually I found my peace again. And then…it was while I was watching the TV (with the English Subtitles), when I saw an orange bead of light that was sealed in a see-through cube.
And then, two words appeared below it: I-LAND. Below that was the date for the release: 6. 26. 20. I could not believe my eyes.
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I called Kanade Nishimura and told what was going to be on TV that summer.
Kanade NishimuraMy younger brother Riki,
she said,
Kanade NishimuraHe is going to be on that show. He already applied.
I replied
Y/NThat is exciting! A reality series about K- Pop trainee life! How great is that?!
Kanade NishimuraUm, super great!! But unfortunately, it’s for boys only.
Y/NYou know, I was just wondering about that. But anyways, it is still exciting! I can not wait!
As of then, it was April. And I did everything I could for that month. I had seemed to have made it through to the first half of my trainee life.
But there was still so much to do until the final evaluation. When there is hardship or so much negativity in the environment…I thought of I-LAND.
Even though it had not begun yet. But when it does, I’ll find a way to get there.
