By Your Side: Adventures in I-LAND / Reality Checks in a Reality Show
By Your Side: Adventures in I-LAND
  • CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
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  • Three things that happened after our debut.
  • The first thing is our new reality show. Only…the boys got one and we didn’t. This was a bit confusing at first. Was it because we were girls and they liked men only? Of course not. I’ve seen the looks on Bang Si-hyuk’s face. He seemed really happy that we girls debuted under HYBE Labels.
  • We were in one side of the lobby when Bang PD-nim (a nickname most call him) entered.
  • “So…” he said, “The staff agreed to have your reality show crossover with ENHYPEN’s!”
  • I tilted my head.
  • Aren’t we supposed to have a reality show of our own?
  • “So…” said Leila, “The girls and the boys are literally…‘sharing’ our shows? Isn’t that a bit…cringey? I mean for the fans.”
  • “Everything you say is ‘cringey’!” said Erika, “With that said, we will be happy to share our show with ENHYPEN.”
  • “Erika,” said Keira, “You do realize that we would have to be with the boys every second, right?”
  • “Yes?”
  • “And you do know that the boys would have to spend every single second with us, right?” said Isabelle.
  • “Yes, I do.” said Erika.
  • “And, for the million dollar question,” I said, “You also do realize that we are having to refrain from falling in love or getting intimate and even trying so hard not to get too close to the boys at all costs, right?”
  • “Isn’t that you?” asked Erika.
  • “Why?”
  • “Because we all know that Jake kissed you during our live show.” said Juliet.
  • My eyes bulged wide.
  • They what?!
  • “You WHAT?!”
  • “It’s true,” said Leila, “Bang Si-hyuk once said who would know that two idols could fall in love with each other just like that. Especially after a big amount of training.”
  • “Really?”
  • “Yup,” said Holly, “I’ve always had a feeling about you two. And the way he would cradle you in his arms.”
  • “The way he would cradle me? Like a baby?”
  • “You know,” chirped Holly, “He would give you love and soft affection. Nothing big. You like that, don’t you?”
  • I didn’t respond after that.
  • I started preparing for the first reality show episode a bit later. I thought of it as an exciting feet. Us girls were going to have a reality show…that was all about us! Only… did the agency even let us know we were going to have a show of our own?
  • It was while we were in the makeup room, when Yeo-rin called me. Which was pretty strange, since our manager doesn’t really call us unless we were resting or if we were just hanging out. But it made me feel so weird and confused and potentially suspicious too.
  • I answered:
  • “Hello?”
  • “Y/N, hi! I need to tell you something.”
  • “What is it?”
  • “Well…there is no easy way of saying this…but HYBE is canceling your reality show!”
  • I felt my heart drop. I knew that we were not going to have our own show and that we would have to guest star in the boys’ show.
  • Well, this is a fine how-do-you-do!
  • “What?! Why?! How could they do such a thing?!”
  • “Apparently, we had been getting complaints about the boys whining about the idea, saying that you guys aren’t ‘certified’ idols. Whatever that means.”
  • How could they do this?! I trusted them! And I even trusted Jake! They must be so jealous!
  • “But, how could they do this?! What is their reason of deciding on canceling our show?!”
  • “I wish I knew.”
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  • “They canceled our show, didn’t they?” said Hinata, agitated.
  • “Yup!” I said, crossing my arms.
  • “Well, now what do we do?” asked Maeve, “Namjoon was looking so forward to watching us on TV. And now we’ll never make it!”
  • “Something’s up,” I said, walking over to the other side of the sofa, “The first thing I noticed is that Yeo-rin never calls us when we are getting ready. And her tone of voice when she spoke to me, as if she was hesitant. Also, the suspicion I felt. Bang PD-nim would never cancel our show just like that.”
  • “That does seem a little suspicious,” said Jax, “In fact, I think it’s all coming together now.”
  • “And there are only seven guys that would somehow try to sabotage us,” said Lara, “Y/N. I think you should find out about Jake.”
  • “Why me?” I asked, “I wouldn’t dare sneak up on him like that.”
  • “But he’s your best friend,” said Holly, “And people that are the closest to you can sometimes hurt others the most. You’ve known Jake better than us. Just try and see what you can get out from him.”
  • I guess I had no other choice but to find out where this entire sudden cruelty was coming from. Even if it meant that it could have been coming from my best friend. But for some reason, I didn’t have the heart to snoop on him. It wasn’t me. And Jake knew that. But I had to do it. I had to know what the hell was going on!
  • It was in the green room. Jake was being interviewed for his part of his reality show. And he even had his violin with him.
  • “There were many things I did, back in Australia, where I’m from.” I heard Jake say, “I used to play a lot of soccer. Both in and out of school. My position is center attacking mid, or CAM, in short. And also, my favorite part about school were the subjects physics and mathematics. It’s been a while since I was in high school…but I will definitely manage my life as an idol.”
  • Hearing Jake’s voice made me swoon. I couldn’t snoop and creep up on a beautiful, soft, and fluffy boy like Jake. That would mean I would be a terrible best friend. But the girls said that he could be the reason our reality show was canceled. I couldn’t let them down. Could I?
  • Jake then pulled out his violin.
  • “I also used to play the violin as well, and I played it since I was really little and was involved in the school orchestra. My violin is a Stradivarius, made in 1704, I believe, and I had it since I was sixteen. The moment I first got it, it felt more like a viola, because of the weight, but I grew a little older and it feels just right.”
  • After doing a quick tuning check, he thought of a piece for a moment. And then, he began to play an excerpt of the Violin Concerto in D Major by Tchaikovsky. The moment he began to play, my face turned red. And I couldn’t move either. The way he bowed the strings and his fingering was just sublime. He then hit a loud high note and stopped right there. My heartbeat rose up to 100%. I was so shocked I thought I was going to faint from there. But luckily, I tamed my composure.
  • Unfortunately, I couldn’t find any information about the reason for our sudden cancellation on our reality show.
  • As I was walking out, I heard a voice.
  • I then quickly walked back to the open door to the green room and heard the voice of one of the ENHYPEN members. I didn’t know which member it was, but he didn’t sound so pleased. He seemed he was on the phone with someone.
  • “The girl groups finally can’t have their own show. And now…ENHYPEN will get all of the spotlights! It’s our time to shine. Y/N’s girl groups will have to make do with just being so-called ‘cover artists’.”
  • He definitely didn’t sound like Jake, so I could tell that he wouldn’t do such a thing to us.
  • I then went back to the makeup room, where I was met with confusion and also disappointment.
  • “Jake wouldn’t dare cancel our show,” I said, “And we all know it. But I heard some other member plotting something against us.”
  • “If it wasn’t Jake, then who would be stupid enough to try and ruin our new careers?” asked Juliet.
  • “It’s either Heeseung…or Jay!” I said.
  • “Not my ‘ramyeon lover’!” Jax snapped.
  • “Not my ‘angry bird’!” Livia snapped.
  • “Well it has to be one of the members!” said Hinata, “I know Ni-Ki wouldn’t do this.”
  • “And Jungwon, Sunoo, and Sunghoon wouldn’t do this either,” said Lara, “I guess it’s between Heeseung or Jay.”
  • “It’s not them!” said Livia, “Jay wouldn’t do such a thing! I know he wouldn’t.”
  • “Heeseung is the sweetest member of ENHYPEN!” Jax said, whimpering, “So why would any of you think he would try and sabotage us?”
  • “Well it has to be someone!” I said, “Yeo-rin was not the one to do this. I heard her voice when she said our show was being canceled. She sounded like she didn’t want to tell us…or that someone forced her to.”
  • “But who?” asked Maeve.
  • “Certainly not Mr. Bang.” said Isabelle.
  • “Then it has to be someone,” I said, “It can’t be our manager, and it can’t be Jake. We have to find out what is going on.”
  • “And fast!” said Holly, “Fans erupt in a matter of a few hours after an official debut.”
  • And that, Holly said, was a fact.
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  • We were having to make do with a camera. That was it. A camera. No cameramen, no animation stuff they would usually do…none of that. Just twelve girls. And one small camera.
  • The second thing that happened was the very first time we ever got kicked out. And it was during an Arirang TV special. The first thing we did was that we were sitting outside on some sort of patio and they were doing like a cat and dog circle game.
  • Because we weren’t a part of the show, we made our own circle. One that the boys weren’t allowed in. And the funny thing is…we just copied whatever they did. In secret.
  • The boys suddenly turned back. We started barking and meowing like real cats and dogs. And the boys didn’t seem they wanted to be seen with us. Of course…we let them have it. Even though I wanted to let them have it when we get them (in other words, “defeat” them).
  • Next was the interview.
  • Now this was the most awkward (“awful” to early ENGENEs) interview that me and the girls had to go through in our first days of debut. We weren’t going down without a fight after not getting a proper reality show.
  • Jamie, Jaeyun, and Heejun were the stars of my favorite TV show After School Club. Back in Ireland, I would run home from school and watch the latest episodes on YouTube TV. I would even watch it with my trainee mates during my early days of training. Being on the show was bringing back so many memories.
  • But of course, since we didn’t have our own show, we had to share the spotlight with ENHYPEN. It upsetted most of us. And it kept suspecting us as well.
  • When we began filming, the moment we entered, the three hosts looked at us as if we were ghosts, or goblins and all the rest. That brought us discomfort instead of feeling welcomed. In fact…I felt as if we were being discriminated against. Even though they speak perfect English.
  • As the show kept going, we were all trying to whisper. But Jamie kept looking at us with a scowl. We then whispered even softly. We weren’t complaining. But we were getting concerned. And when it was time for some activities, they didn’t even bother talking to us. Again, we huddled in and addressed the issues to each other. Heejul noticed and whispered in Jaeyun’s ear. And then Jaeyun whispered in Jamie’s ear. And then, she walked away from the scene, keeping a close eye on us. And then, before the first part of the show ended, a security guard escorted us out. And we thought we were the first ones to get out. But we were wrong. We were getting kicked out.
  • Right when they closed the door on us, I was already *ed off.
  • What the hell!
  • “I think Y/N is mad,” said Hinata.
  • “You think?” said Holly, “She wasn’t too upset the last time, when some member decided to cancel our reality show.”
  • But I was seething with uncontrollable rage! Who would ever think to have my three favorite TV show hosts kick all of us girls out?! No one! No one would be stupid enough to even kick out twelve girls.
  • Once the filming was over, I couldn’t help but scowl at myself. I was angered. But what really upsetted me the most was that Arirang TV promised us something special, but we ended up having to lose it, because someone didn’t seem to approve of our special appearance.
  • We went back to our dorm room. I then ran straight to my room and slammed my door, where I sobbed softly into my hands. I felt this mental pain inside me. Sure I didn’t get why those people favored the boys instead of us. But we couldn’t begin living like this. We had to do something. And we had to find out who is trying to make our debuting lives a living hell.
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  • It was December. It was coming up to Christmas. We were invited on a TV show called Weekly Idol. Before I began training, that show would appear on TV. And for a good reason…I’ve been a big fan of it ever since.
  • But…even they had a problem with us. I think that entire experience was much worse than After School Club. I don’t know which one had more drama, however.
  • We were let in first. The episode began well so far. But then…they let the boys in straight after. And they were talking in Korean.
  • Whenever both Eunhyuk (Super Junior) and Kwang Hee (ZE:A) asked us a question, we couldn’t understand. And poor Jake had to do all of the translating. But no one knew that only I could understand their broken English.
  • And now came for their dance routine. Of course the boys sang their debut song. We did too.
  • But when we danced. Both the boys were shocked and in horror. I took their reactions as adorable and didn’t exactly know what was really going on.
  • This is weird, I thought, I thought these guys were the most trusting and kind idols on the show.
  • But obviously, they were not. At least…to their foreign idols.
  • A lot similar to our first TV appearance, the girls and I were concerning the behavior on the hosts. And so, to be honest, both of them could have respected us a little bit better. Instead of acting the maggot.
  • “They’re just bein’ feckin’ eejits!” Maeve chided, “Namjoon would never do that to me if he ever got a show. Or on Run BTS!!”
  • I kept tilting my head.
  • A few days into our debut and people are already beginning to hate us. Is something going wrong?
  • Eunhyuk was the one to give me enough dirty looks. Everytime I tried to defend Jake’s way of being cute, he would scowl at me. Kwang Hee, on the other hand, was soft and sweet.
  • Once it was time for the speed dance challenge, it was the last straw for the hosts (well…except Kwang Hee). Eunhyuk noticed that the song kept speeding up and the members began to feel terrified for their lives. Then he saw me and the girls. He then ordered us to turn it off. And then…a security guard, who frowned deeply and empathetically for us, led us out. But we stopped. Eunhyuk pointed to the door. I could tell that Jake was unhappy with the situation too. Once the door closed. We were angered and shouted amongst ourselves.
  • When we got home, I was already in tears.
  • I was in my dorm room. Of course, I didn’t mean to be so angry and upset. But I still couldn’t understand why we were being constantly kicked out. I didn’t think that me and the girls would be the only ones having to deal with it.
  • Who would be this cruel enough to be so hostile to an entire archive of girls?
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Reality Checks in a Reality Show