“I DON'T KNOW WHY I'M STILL HOPING.”- unknown
☆
“Mrs. Park, are you happy in this marriage?”
“Um… I… I'm not”
“So why can't you just divorce Mr. Park? Is being a divorcee bad?”
“No, I wouldn't mind getting a divorce if I wasn't in a happy relationship. But my kids, they mean so much to me, I don’t want to see them going through what I did when I was younger. Especially Jamie. And Aera loves her father.”
“Mrs. Park, I understand where you are coming from. Trust me, I do. But sometimes you have to think about yourself.”
“I know, but when you have kids, you don't matter as you do anymore, not that you don’t matter at all. But you have responsibilities that need to be taken care of.”
“Can I ask a personal question?”
“Um… yeah.”
“How long have you had any sexual intercourse?”
“Um… I don't know. With everything that's happening, I don't have time for that.”
“Mrs. Park, you're hurting and I can see. I can see that you cry yourself to sleep. This marriage is bringing you down. I understand you don’t want your kids to go through what you went through. But your mental health. It concerns me.”
“So, what do you suggest I do?”
“I suggest you take time to yourself and think about what you want. And then come back and tell me and we both can find a solution.”
“What I want is… a family. I want to be the one my husband sees. He should take care of me and our children. I want him to see the love we have for him. But that's impossible.”
“And why is that?”
“Because the Park Jimin I know will never love me. The only thing he will ever do to me and I allow it is use me, and I allow him to. I thought maybe he will love me more. But I was just lying to myself. That man only loves one person, and it's Areum. I don't hate him for not liking me. I want to hate him because of how he treats me and the kids. But I can't because no matter how someone hurts me, I can never hate them. And I hate myself for that. It sucks… if it weren’t for the kids. I and Jimin would have been apart. Because he doesn't love me and would never love me. I love him with all my heart and will die for him any day, but he doesn't care.”
“Mrs. Park, calm down. This man does not deserve your tears.”
“He doesn't, but yet I am always crying because of him. I cry like a baby. I'm hurting. But I don't mind putting up with it as long as my kids are happy with their father.”
“Mrs. Park…”
“I know, but I love my kids and would do anything for their happiness. If being with their father makes them happy. Then… I wouldn't mind being in a relationship with him, no matter how much he hurts me.”
“This * hurts.”
“It does, but I’m used to it. And me being aware hurts more.”
“Still.”
“I know, but that's how life is. It's not rainbows and fairy tales. Reality is something I fear.”
“You're a strong woman, but still…”
“Mrs. Kim, whether it's bravery or stupidity, I want the best for my kids.”
“I'm always here for you if you need anything.”
“Thank you.”